I’m still alive

Okay, first off, the Korean version/bastardization of pizza is well, nearly impossible to describe, just wow. But to more important issues, yes I am still alive. I am still without internet in my apartment on Tuesday evening and I didn’t have any access to internet until Monday morning at the school, so I have quite a bit of details to bring to light about my all-important first days here in Yangpyeong. I got down to Chicago for the meet and greet with the other TTGs (Teachers To Gyeonggi-do) on Wednesday night, nothing terribly exciting to report. As you would expect I ignored and avoided social contact whatsoever with any of the other teachers. Big surprise, right I now. Anyways there was a nice moment when one of the other teachers approached me, called me by my first name and asked if I remembered her….obviously I had no idea who this girl was. Turns out we had a T.S. Eliot class together and we even worked on a group presentation together and I couldn’t even remember her name…oops. To be frank, I didn’t even remember her name after she reintroduced herself. As for the flight day, Thursday, nothing too crazy to report either. I was pleasantly surprised with how quickly and efficiently people are moved through the security checks…I was expecting a couple of hours of wait, but we were through in a matter of minutes. Ohh, I almost forgot that I ate at Denny’s before getting on the flight. Nothing special but I just wanted a chance to say “SSSSStephen’s money”. I just can’t eat at Denny’s without thinking about how I wasted Stephen’s money. Anyway, the flight was actually pretty damn good for a 14 hour flight. The Korean Air flight attendants were the most attractive and friendly stewardess’ ever, no questions asked. It actually made me a little excited for the prospects once in Korea…sadly I have yet to come across such quality specimens since then…sigh. The food was good, one can never get enough of complementary hot towels and glasses of OJ every half hour or so, and I got to watch Be Kind Rewind, which is a very enjoyable movie. The only drawback, and it’s a big one, was my seat mate. Granted we were in a row of three seats and the middle one was open, yeah I know, awesome, but this kid was, in the kindest possible terms, was a knob. He was of those stereotypically loud, obnoxious, stupid and utterly clueless as to his lack of etiquette Americans that give the rest of us a bad name. I feel bad for the unlucky school in Yeoju that has to deal with his dumb ass for the next year. He just kept talking to me about stupid shit, even when I had my eyes closed and was trying to sleep or if I was obviously in the middle of reading a book…like I really wanna talk to him about whether or not little trinket pieces of candy was an appropriate present for your coteacher and principal, which it is most certainly not. He honestly said, and I quote, “Hey are we over Alaska or Iceland right now? Actually we’re probably over Alaska”. Yikes. Anyways once we got to Incheon International Airport things started looking up. I was amazed by how spotless and amazing the airport was…Im not sure that they actually let people use it, it was that clean. After our whole group got their baggage we met the screaming crowds of our Asian employers…think the Beatles landing in the US. Seriously though, there was a lot of people there waving signs for their teacher. It was a freaking mess and terribly disorienting, but finally I found my people, except that Im now teaching at some Gang-ha Middle School instead of Yangpyeong High School like I thought. I try to be polite, but inside I’m a little worried because I don’t where the fuck this school is located. I tried to ask the question without tipping my hand, but eventually I found out that the school is located just outside of Yangpyeong, but I’ll be living in Yangpyeong. My greeting party consisted of my co-teacher, who has very limited English, her fellow teacher, who has no English, and the co-teacher’s son, who has pretty decent English, compared with what I’ve had to work with. Anyways we get going to the car and they tell me that it’s another 3 hours to Yangpyeong…fuck. I barely sleep on the 14 hour plane ride, it’s 6pm Korean time and 4 am American time and I have to sit in a car for another 3 hours??? They found out that I was quite hungry and they stopped at what was to be my first encounter with Korean barbeque….wonderful. My hosts laughed at my inadequacies with chop sticks, but they were kind enough to pick up the tab, so I’ll take the trade-off. Actually come to think of it, I have yet to pay for a meal when eating out, and the number is up to 5 or 6 now…nice. Finally, at about 9pm local time we arrive in Yangpyeong and get to the apartment, which is frightening small when I first get inside it and I notice it is missing many of the things promised me in the contact…crap. To compound matters, the teacher informs me that I have to meet the principal and the staff at school tomorrow morning, Saturday, at 10 am. Boo. They finally leave me to rest, well try to rest, as this brings our tale to my first of 2 major grievances with Korea…their mattresses. No joking, their mattresses are only one step above hard floor in regards to softness. I don’t even think America makes mattresses this firm anywhere. It simply has no give. Well, during a very uncomfortable night’s attempt at sleep, I wander into the bathroom and come across my cross to bear…their toilet situation. Granted, its not as bad as the Chinese squat toilets, although the local hospital did have the type, no these toilets are fine seaters, but the problem lies in the fact that you can’t flush down the toilet paper. I don’t know if China or Japan also has this, but I hate it because inevitably, when not thinking, I toss the TP in the toilet and then I cussing the whole way, have to fish it out with my bare hands from the “unclean” water. Uggg. Anyways, I get up and am driven to my school the next day and let me tell you the view is well worth the 15 minute drive, as I’m surrounded by mountains and rivers on all sides, rice patties interspersed with huts and large skyscrapers…it’s a kinda surreal scene. Pictures can really only do it justice, words simply fail. Anyways, I get to the school which is about a half a mile or so off the actual road and further buried in the hills, and I get a more than acceptable introduction. I sit down and chat, or try to, with the whole staff, while the students, who apparently do the majority of the cleaning and janitorial duties at the school and were there cleaning the place, were peeking into doorways and climbing on shoulders to see through windows in the room I was in. It was pretty crazy, as most of them had never seen a foreigner before, as I was told, especially not one as tall or as handsome as this one…yeah, I said it. The school is quite small and quaint, just my style, as it houses about 100 students and only 10 teachers, including me and the principal and vice-principal. I really wanna learn Korean because my principal seems like such a cool guy. He’s a really cute shriveled old man with no English knowledge, save for the ability to say “My son…in Chicago”, who wanders around smiling, laughing, patting me on the back and offering cigarettes to me. Finally, I’m whisked away from school so I can get my affairs put in order, with the help of the PE teacher who happens to live in Yangpyeong, less than a 5 minute walk away, and will be driving me to school every day. Well, we aren’t more than 5 minutes into the drive home and he’s found out that I like soccer and he’s invited me to play with him and the Yangpyeong Soccer Club, who play almost every day before work…aka 6:30 am. Whatever, worth it for some futbol. Once we get back to town, he asks if I’m hungry and if it would be okay for his wife and two kids to come along, its obviously no problem to me, so off we go. We all arrive at the Chinese restaurant and we enjoy the best sweet and sour chicken ever…America just can’t come close, period. Throughout the whole meal I’m entertained by his 4 year old girl and 6 year old boy who are possibly the most adorable kids ever…their nicknames I’ve been told are Cat and Dog. They are just bouncing around and under and above everything during the whole meal, keeping their distance from me, cuz they just don’t know what to make of me just yet. After the meal we drive back to my apartment and the kids just go to town on the mattress bouncing, well trying to bounce, hiding under the covers, and eventually coming near me only to run away from the “big guy”. It was too sickeningly adorable. He and the kids leave me for a bit, with the promise of coming back in an hour so we can go grocery shopping, etc. So when he comes back to pick me up, Im surprised to see that he has already purchased all the kitchenware I’ll need, and he evens takes the time to unpack everything and put it in place…wow, these people are nice. Finally, once everything is put away, we head to the grocery store. I know that shopping for food when you can’t read nearly any of the labels and you’re out in public for the first time in some weird world should be a challenge, but frankly it couldn’t have been more comfortable thanks to the 6 year boy who insisted on taking me through the store by the hand to show me all the most delicious and undoubtedly sugary drinks. Again, way too adorable. Finally, we go back to the Jeong’s house where he gives me some of the hangers from his house, some of his house towels, as well as some fruit..again the generosity is amazing. Sunday morning arrives and I’m up bright and early playing soccer at the local high school with the soccer club. I’m really gunna miss grass fields since everything over here is dirt, but the fellows were really cool and we had a bunch of laughs over some terrible shots, several of which attributed to yours truly. The rest of the day was rather uneventful save for my first trip wandering around the town…just beautiful. There’s so much to say that I’ll have to save for a post dedicated solely to that once I have pictures up. Also, Jeong, the PE teacher randomly stopped over at my house to deliver two apples and a handful of candies. When I asked why he decided to stop over, he said that his daughter had told him the she wanted to visit Eric….awwwww. Finally we come to Monday, my first day of class, the suspense…wait I’m not actually starting teaching until next week, uhhh okay. Apparently, to allow me to settle in, I don’t start actually teaching until Sept 8, which will shortly be followed by the Korean Thanksgiving holiday which gives me Sept 15 and 16 off from school. After a day of doing nothing but probably getting paid for it, I’m whisked away with the administrative chief, the high up bureaucrat working at the school, I assume, for my medical exam. That all goes well, or as well as possible, given that the chief speaks basically no English, except for a very small handful of badly pronounced English words. He actually called the co-teacher just so he could relay a message to me at one point. He also, at first, seemed like the type that wouldn’t be fun to be around, given that he’s terribly grumpy and mean looking, but apparently he’s a big teddy bear on the inside or something like that, as he invites me out to dinner after the paperwork and medical forms. When we arrive at the restaurant we meet several of the other bureaucrats at the school, or at least I think they are bureaucrats, since they don’t usually work in tandem with the teachers. So we sit down for another delicious meal of Korean barbeque and one of the group asks if I want a beer, and they were about to order me one, when I proudly exclaimed, “Soeju!”, to which they responded with gasps followed closely by exultations. Apparently, I’m making quite an impression with my willingness to put down any Korean food or beverage put in front of my gullet without the least hesitation, even if they warn me about how spicy it is. So over much soeju and much more beef and kimchi, we have a pretty interesting conversation, at least the parts that I could read from hand/facial expressions and the occasional English words they throw me. They make fun of the administrative chief because he’s 42 and not married, but the interesting stuff comes out of nowhere, when suddenly out of nowhere a couple of the table members exclaim, “May I please hold you close?” or something like that. Well, Im obviously confused, but the lone female member of the table starts blushing and shaking off the idea by saying something like I’m old…34 years. I think they wanted me to “involve” myself with their colleague because she is at present single and they had earlier found out that Im also single. Finally, we arrive to today, Tuesday, and second verse same as the first, I sit around doing nothing at school because I still don’t know how many classes I’ll be teaching, when, what abilities, etc. The real fun starts once the administrative chief and I leave again. I feel like even though we can’t really communicate with words per say, we’ve built a report. I think we’d work well as a team. For now he’ll have to make due as my Jason and Rounds replacement. He’s definitely a high roller, and it appears that he isn’t above taking me around town to show off to his friends…seriously, we stopped at more than a handful of places to chat that had nothing to do with our errands. Plus as my wingman, I could do worse. He’s got cash, and he’s not attractive at all, thus making me look even more attractive in comparison, while I can bring him to the attention of females due to his proximity to the tall, really handsome foreign guy…I’m sorry I can’t help but have a bit of an ego since I’ve already been told like 10 times that I’m handsome, and some were from females. Well, he makes some calls and finally gets me some curtains for my room and a table and chair to use as desk which was in the contact but was not provided up front. Granted that some of these things were supposed to be provided, he didn’t have to put down the type of cash he did on the really nice curtains and table (pictures to follow). I only caught a brief glance, but I think the table and chair cost around 190 bucks. Anyways, after all that is settled, we go back to visit the curtain lady who is apparently a close friend and we sit down to chat, well they chat, and we order pizza. Now I don’t know exactly what was on it, it definitely had a weird look but it was fucking delicious. I mean they had pickles as side condiments like peppers back in the states. Anyway, my bachelor status pops up again as the curtain lady asks if I want a girlfriend. Well, I don’t really answer too hastily because I’m not sure if she was meaning to ask if I have a girlfriend, when all of a sudden she solves my confusion by simply blurting out “I have a daughter” and then she goes on to talk about how she is in her second year of school at the University level and how I should come back to the shop to visit. After we say our goodbyes, my little buddy drives me up to his undoubtedly pricy health club to show me the sport he really likes…squash. His English was so bad on the subject that when he was saying squashu with a swinging motion, I assumed that squashu was Korean for tennis. Nope. We get to the club and we start by warming up on this body shaker. Seriously it is just a platform that shakes your whole body back and forth like the shakers they have at Christmas tree farms to knock loose stray needles. I tested the higher settings but I wasn’t man enough to push it all the way to 18. I could only get up to 14 before I loosened up so much that I was sure I pooped myself and I just couldn’t feel it. After we had warmed up, I watched my buddy play a couple games of squash while I looked on. It felt like we were on a bad date where one person drags the other to something that they really love, just so the other person can see how much they rock the house, how much they kick ass when in their element, their environment. I felt like he was out there playing for me. It was kinda sweet in a strictly heterosexual way, obviously.