Pissing and Moaning, Take 52

It's been a week and since I didn't go to Seoul today and actually have time to write out this bad boy, I figured, "What the hell. Why not?". Not too much happening in the past week of note, so this message should be a brief one by my standards. I'm starting to get this creeping suspicion that I'm terribly long winded and rambly (is that a word?) with my posts. I of course can't be sure of this, as I've never actually read any of my writings (that punishment I reserve solely for you, my obviously strong willed and masochistic readers). I feel bad for Jason, as he just found the blog and will probably want to read it. Gonna need a damn big pot of coffee to get through this one. Sorry.

Nothing terribly out of the ordinary during the past week, so I'll focus on the weekend, where things did take place. Saturday marked a first, as I was caught fare dodging on the train for the first time. This wasn't the first time I've gotten onto the train without a ticket, just the first time being caught. Now why, you might ask, would I ever risk not purchasing a ticket that costs only 3,000 won (2 bucks, roughly)? Am I really that poor? To that I can only respond that cocaine and dirty women eat into the pocketbook no matter where in the world you go. Seriously though, I've taken to fare dodging on several occasions for two reasons: 1) I'm lazy and never get to terminal in time, so to ensure I actually make the train I just run on, without even stopping to buy a ticket 2) I wanted a little excitement in my life and I enjoy breaking rules for pure shits and giggles. It's my little sad and pathetic way of getting back at Korea for everything that it's done to me. "How does it taste Korea? Yeah, you took 7 months of my life, now I'm taking 2 bucks from you. How does it feel?" Petty, I know, but that's me. Anyways, I boarded the train and to my chagrin, the were actually checking tickets during the trip. Now what makes fare dodging so appealing is that they never actually check. All on the honors system in this country. No person checking you before you get on the train, etc. Just a guy that occasionally goes around when you are on the train. Cept in all the times I've taken the train, I've only been asked to show my ticket twice. We are talking like 1% or so. And just like the westerns of old, this bandit casually vamoosed out of the car to hide in the cafe car. I guess I could have hidden in the bathroom, but somehow that didn't seem like the honorable way to go. Honor amongst thieves, I guess. Anyways, the attendant did eventually catch up with me. I played dumb, claiming that I had lost my ticket and couldn't find it in my pocket (playing dumb is easy here, as the Koreans naturally assume you are stupid anyways since you can't speak their language). He was not to be deterred though. What horrible fate lay ahead of me when my crime was revealed? Being forcibly thrown off the train? Being sent to foreigner jail? The stocks? Nope, I just had to buy "another" ticket. Hmmmm, kinda anti-climatic I know. Sorry.

Once in Seoul, we met Amy's friend from Wisconsin. It was an interesting experience, as she had only been in Korea for 1 week and everything was still kittens and butterflies. Amy and I just looked at her and shook our heads. Course, her transition might be a little easier, given her location in Korea. My town: 80,000 people but nothing to do. Amy's town: 2 people and less than nothing to do. Amy's friend's town: over 1 million and plenty to do as Suwon is the capital of Gyeonggi province. It was funny to look at her, as it was like looking at ourselves 7 months ago. A little unsettling, I have to admit, to realize how naive we were about so many things back then. Although, in my defense, I don't think I was ever as starred eyed as she was, as I clearly remember that I knew within the week that Korea was not a place where I could stay forever. And that seems to have held up over time.

Now we come to the meat of this post and the sole reason for sitting down to write today. In the past few days, it has come to my attention that I might be giving a very slanted view of Korea through my posts. The common response from back home seems to be "Wow, Korea seems like a complete shithole. Is there anything remotely redeeming about it at all? Would I ever want to visit it?" That struck me as a bit harsh. I feel it is up to me to put things in prospective. Firstly, remember that it is me writing. I complain....a lot. It's what I do. I bitch and moan, and I bitch and moan, and bitch and moan. I am very (probably overly) critical of anything and everything I come into contact with. I cannot come in contact with any person, place, thing, idea, etc. for even the shortest span of time with judging it and sizing it up. That's just who I am. For those of you who knew me back in the States, you should clearly remember that I wasn't too pleased about how stuff was going in the States and spent most of my free time there whining about whatever stupid policy the government enacted or what stupid bullshit American organized religion pulled this week. Do I hate the U.S.? Certainly not. Certain aspects of it yes, but not so much as to completely swear off going back there in the future. I imagine, had I written about what was on my mind when back home, the reader would have gotten an impression that the US was a complete shithole as well. The same goes for Korea. Do I hate many aspects/beliefs here in Korea? Certainly, yes. Do I strongly despise some Koreans? Yes, probably. Do I hate Korea? Definitely no, otherwise I would have pulled a "midnight run" a long time ago. I simply dwell on the negative because that's what lingers in my mind the longest, at least with me. It's been a week since I read the article about sexual stereotypes that I linked to in my last post and I'm still fuming. Yet, when one of the teachers drove me all the way into Seoul back in my first weekend here, how long did that linger in my mind? Or when one of the teachers would routinely invite me out to dinner with her friends at quite pricey establishments at no charge to me, how long did that stick in my head? My concise take on Korea is this: Korea is great for visiting and living in (provided you live in a big city, the small homes are just as boring and lame as the small towns back home). The people are friendly, everything is fairly cheap and there is lots to do (not enough stuff to sustain you forever, mind you, as I've gotten a bit bored myself, but plenty for a vacation), the big cities are a blast (Busan and Seoul rock, no question), and the country is quite pretty. I wouldn't advise working in Korea however, if you have a low tolerance for bullshit, nonsense and stupidity. Come to think of it, one might say the same thing about teaching in the States as well. Hmmm. There are benefits to be had with working, which for some may be worth all the hassle. One can easily save a large portion of cash and we do have a large amount of vacation (you just have to fight for it sometimes). I've already traveled around Korea for 2 weeks and will be heading to the Philipines (fingers crossed) this summer for 2 weeks and hopefully will stop by Japan again to use up the last of my vacation days. You heard right, Stecker-san. Seems like I'll still have 5 vacation days left after both of my trips. Mark your calendar son.

The final issue that needs addressing is the question of why I'm deciding to stay in Korea for another year. Many have questioned why, for as much as Korea frustrates me, I would possibly stay for another year, especially when money and student loans are not an issue. Some have even suggested that I find a ESL job in South America since I clearly like Latin culture and Spanish much more than Korean, and also because of the desirable company I would find there. The blunt and simple answer is that I'm not finished with Korea. There are still things that I have to do before I leave. I've gotten it in my head that I'm going to learn Korean and there is no stopping it now. Plus, there are a great many things I can learn to develop my capoeira game, despite my complaints. Korea has only stoked the flame of my desire to see the world, and there is unlikely to be an easier way to see Southeast Asia than from Korea with a sufficient paying job. I get excited just thinking about the trip to the Philippines this summer, and the tickets haven't even been purchased. I'm already salivating at the idea of visiting Vietnam/Cambodia/Laos area next winter and I'm not even sure where I would go two summers from now, but the idea is intoxicating none the less. Sure, Korea has and will continue to bend me over and have its way with me from time to time, and yeah, my anus hurts a lot of the time from it, but its not a one way street. I plan on fucking Korea and pleasuring myself at its expense until I say I'm satisfied, until I've had enough, on my terms, not Korea's. At that point I will simply disregard the husk that remains and move on to ravage a more vibrant, energetic and youthful country. Don't worry, I'll make sure to use protection.

Precariously Poised on the Precipice

As the title hints, I have recently been walking a thin line in regards to my demeanor and mood. One one side, I'm terribly excited, possibly ecstatic about events upcoming on my life's calendar. From actually being able to go out side and train for capoeira, to actually being able to get my berimbau (its from actual berim wood...the mother fucking real deal), to capoeira music days in the park, to a prospective vacation to the Philippines this summer (if not there, then somewhere not Korea..its basically the idea of getting the fuck out of town that excites me more than anything), to coming home for a month in September, to moving to Seoul for next contract. So much to be hopeful for. The enthusiasm for the move to Seoul was unanticipated, at least to the degree that has infected me. On Saturday our little group found our way to a generic coffee shop in downtown Seoul and discussed how nice it would be to just relax like this at some coffee shop or restaurant on a daily basis, instead of simply once a week. I had no idea how pleasing the idea would be to me. Good company, you say? Nigh daily? Why, good sir, the mere utterance of these toxic words cause my heart to palpitate...the idea...its....its unchristian!

One the other side of coin, there is the aspects of Korea that serve to daily frustrate, anger, stoke, and infuriate me to the point where I fear I may slip into some sort of rage induced madness, which would culminate in my running through the streets of Korea in nothing but boxers and an umbrella, shouting "God doesn't love you", in Korean mind you (and yes I do know how to say that). I began my full schedule of classes last week, and as expected, it was rift with WHAT THE FUCK moments. Much to my chagrin, they had again tossed me into the clusterfuck that is gym classes. As you may remember, previously I was told to look in a dictionary, as my English is clearly shat since I didn't know the exact word for some terribly random movement, of which there is no specific name in English. That's the beauty of English in this regard, you could describe the movement any number of ways, but since Korean has a specific term for the movement, I guess, then English must also have a corresponding word. This time around did not spare me of the ridiculousness. Quite early in class, the gym teacher pulled me aside and offered up a mission statement of sorts for what I should be doing in the gym class, in his eyes: "Eric, the students don't want to play soccer...they want to learn English." Prepositions and grammatical aspects that differ in Korean could not possibly explain away the absolute ass-backwardness of that statement. What the students want, is to play soccer, video games, and not have to be in school till fucking 10pm each night. They couldn't give a fart about English, and frankly, if I was in the same position, I wouldn't either. Things progressed, as they often do, and I found myself shaking my head yet again. This time, I was told that I would, each week, pull aside 2 students or so and have a one on one conversation with them in English....Umm, yeah. Not even going into how that is completely taking away from the goal of gym class, that the students get some exercise and such, but randomly throwing a student into a one on one conversation just doesn't work. The kids get flustered and scared and can't spit a word out. Case in point: the high level first grader that they tried this with. She was scared, probably to the point of soiling herself, and did manage to spit out words....cept they were all Korean, every single one. After my "success" with her, I was moved on to another student. This girl was called over and the gym teacher preceded to explain to me that this student was "stupid" and that I must speak very simply to her. He repeated several times, that she was stupid, all the while she stood inches away, oblivious. Now, I'm not very PC (what, no way, I don't believe it!), but simply calling a student stupid bothered me quite a bit. Maybe it's just my definition of stupid. For example, what Korea and my school routinely try to do in their English teaching is, in my book, very stupid, while this young girl is simply not as smart as her classmates. Another urksome issue has been the new history/social studies teacher this semester. Quite simply, he is one of those Koreans that has nearly no English, but for whatever reason is enamored/endlessly intrigued by foreigners and thus makes it his mission to talk to them, whether those said foreigners wish to be bothered or not. One moment of note was when I was in the lunch line, talking to some of my students about this or that, when the history teacher shows up, steps directly between myself and the student (essentially booting them out of the conversation), and begins in really broken english to explain that this student is fat, while another is thin. I was upset enough by the stupid nature of his conversation, as the "fat" child in question was by no means fat, but the idea of simply forcing yourself into the conversation just added to the irk-factor. He also assumes that I'm mentally retarded since I can't speak Korean (yeah, he's one of those too). For my first day of after school classes, while I was hooking up the projector, the history teacher came in and decided that he had to show me how to work my own computer (he actually showed me how to turn this p.o.s. off...god, I wish I would have known that earlier, would have saved me a shit ton of electricity). Even the students thought this was absurd, as one of the students responded, in English (haha, I must be doing something right), "He knows how to do that" or something akin to that. The history teacher obviously didn't know what the student said, so the boy repeated it in Korean. I laughed. He unluckily lives by me and insists on driving me home on most days. On day I even went so far as to play my DS while in the car with him, so to hopefully hammer home the point that I don't want to talk with him, without saying it outright and possibly angering him. He didn't get the message. Yeah its rude on my part, but they have forced me to take drastic measures here to get through to them that I am anti-social by nature and don't want to talk to every Korean that comes my way.

Now, we come to the crown jewel of frustrations: rascism here in Korea. Now, I've read many, many stories about it and it has undoubtedly stoked my internal fire, but today took it to another level, as I found a blog that talked in depth about the issue. I had heard through the grapevine that there was recently a Korean made for tv movie or something that featured several white foreigners who just go around drugging and raping Korean women. Not only are they white foreigners, but they are teachers to boot. Now, yes, there is and has been numerous racist depictions in American movies, but I firmly believe (please, please, don't let me down on this one US) that most Americans can tell the difference between tv and real life. From my conversations with various Koreans, I've learned that they oftentimes believe the depiction of Americans/people in general, as depicted in movies. I've had people seriously ask me if all US schools are like the one in Gossip Girl. Couple this belief in the boob tube with their generalizations about foreigners based on the actions of a small few or even one, and you have a nasty powderkeg that could cause some serious damage. Many Koreans firmly believe that all foreigner men are sex crazed, pot smokin, Korean women raping perverts based on the actions of a very small few, maybe even one. This stuff isn't going to help it.

http://populargusts.blogspot.com/2009/03/predators-and-sex-objects-media.html

Be forewarned about the contents. I've only showed it to one person so far and she probably went out and stabbed someone to take the edge off of her rage. If you have any respect for women, dislike the objectivization of women, and hate flat out racism, then you might want to avoid the article. If you wish to read about the ugly and very real side of Korea that they don't like to talk about, told by someone that actually knows what they are talking about (I can't even pretend like I have any idea what I'm saying half the time), then proceed. Just don't say I didn't warn you. I'm still fuming about it and I read it 12 hours ago or so.

So, as you can see, I'm trying balance intense excitement about the future with a anger and frustration about the present and many other things in general. The tricky situation is trying to find some compromise between the two and not falling victim to one or the other. Yeah, Korea sucks alot in regards to some stuff and the future seems to be pretty awesome, but I can't get carried away either way. I gotta say grounded and realistic about everything. I gotta keep my head about me. I've still got another 1.5 years here, and the previously mentioned nearly-naked ramblings through town would probably be detrimental to my future and current employment here in Korea. Probably. But it is Korea, so you never know....

"It's a small world after all, it's a small world..."

Well, another week has passed and I find myself at my piece of shit PC yet again to recount the trivial happenings of my life. Not too much going on, but I figured now was a good time, as it's been a week and I have some free time on my hands (ahahahh...that was a joke. I have nothing but time on my hands....ohhhhhh, now I made myself sad), so I figured I'd plunk myself down and type away. Plus, I know my readers are waiting with bated breath for word, any word, of my exploits, and I just couldn't stand to keep them waiting.

The weekend was solid, but hardly noteworthy, so bear with me. It started rather nicely, as I took home 50,000 won (don't get too excited...that's like 50 cents now. Obviously, I'm joking, but damn it feels like that some times) on Friday night from poker. I should make a note of it to never play poker unless my opponents are avid consumers of alcohol and I'm stone cold sober. It's the only explanation for how I won. Saturday started as usual with capoeira followed by the Korean class. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm back into the swing of things with capoeira, I just wish we would have a fucking roda at some point...What good is a back hand spring if you can't fucking jenga. The Korean class was surprisingly solid as I made the jump from Level 1 to Level 2 to hopefully learn more and find a challenge. I felt bad (yes, I did Amy!) leaving the rest of the group behind in Level 1, as I didn't wanna make them feel stupid, considering we've been here the exact same amount of time, but apparently I made them feel stupider when I was actually in the class and knew stuff that they didn't. We even learned some of the nuances of the language. Like how it's important to use the proper numbering system. If I want to say "one year" I need to make sure to use "il nyeon" instead "han nyeon". Cuz, I'm pretty sure that my contracts stipulates that I stay in Korea for "one year", and not "one bitch". As intriguing as the latter may be, I'll gladly take the former, as I'm thinking "one bitch" would take a lot longer for me then "one year", since its me, and I wanna go home at some point.

Saturday evening found the group following Carrie to a party she had been invited to by the people she bought her bike from. We were incredibly skeptical, as Carrie had only known these Koreans for however long it took to order her bike and they were inviting her to a party at the shop the following weekend with an request to "bring friends. all.". The environs were as shady as we assumed, given its Seoul. The bike shop was nestled in the basement of an apartment building off of some really divey back alley. Surprisingly, no one got raped or groped (well, except for me, but that was a joke...I think). The party had it's own DJ, all you can drink booze for 5,000 won (which if 50,000 is 50 cents, then we only paid 5 cents...awesome), and many pretty cool Koreans. I only make special note of the cool Koreans, as we spend so much time around boring and bland Koreans that we sometimes forget that people such as those at the party even exist. We were even pleasantly surprised to find several foreigners there too, which was startling, given that there were only 40 or so people there and for close to 10 of them to be foreigners is pretty startling. Here is where things got interesting, as one of the foreigners saw my Omulu batizado t-shirt (I dress to impress when I'm in Seoul, there's no other way to say it), and just started breaking into song. Thunderstruck, I asked him how he knew about capoeira. He responded by saying that he used to train in the States. Curious, I asked who he trained with. His response: Mestre Preguica in San Fran. Fuck. Me. Running. I showed him the shirt and both had a good laugh over the ridiculousness of it all. We also talked about how capoeira sucks over here comparatively, which is why he doesn't train while he is here. For those of you that live in the same hemisphere as Carlos or Jamie, could you perchance ask them if they remember "Don Quixote" who trained from 2002 to 2005 in San Fran. If they met him, they would have remembered him. His demeanor and personality borders on the absurd, so much so that I can only compare him to Dobish. Though the two are nothing alike, perhaps polar opposites in fact, the utter amusement and shock I got out of every word that left his lips, could only be likened to my reaction when listening to Dobish speak. As like Dobish, "Don Quixote" is an acquired taste and some simply just can't stand him or can only stand him for so long. Things got less comfortable when he approached me at one point and asked if he could fondle me. He explained that Anna (bless your heart, Anna) apparently would only consent to letting Don Quixote's friend fondle her if I was to be fondled by Don Quixote. Now, I appreciate all the help you give me in trying to find someone for me when we are out and about in Seoul Anna, but I'm not that desperate. Just saying. I consented as I knew that Anna would enjoy the other guy less than I would (hey, fuck you, don't read into that...the other guy was just that much weirder). Although, come to think of it, Anna never did get fondled, which means that I got played....ohhhhhh, I feel so dirty. Course that wasn't my only encounter with dudes that day. Earlier on the subway, I was approached by a young college aged Korean guy who was saddened that he didn't have any foreigner friends and wanted to know if I would be his friend. This was shocking to me, as no one, and I mean no one ever talks to me randomly on the street. I'm just that intimidating and hardcore that no one ever wants to fuck with me. We chatted about Kobe Bryant and Eminem for a while before he suggested that we be language exchange buddies. I said I'd be his friend, so I hope he doesn't get mad when I don't call him, even though I never got his number. Man, I just seem to pull 'em, dudes that is. Although I think he just wanted to be hetero life mates. Nothing gay or anything.

A Child's Perspective

I was cheated by my sister. I will be revenged on my sister.

There were many pretty girls there. Seong Hyeon and I are fall in love with them.

We were drank.

We ate hurry-scurry.

Hoho, we were general trend.

I don't care about dress. Any clothes look good on me. I think I have wonderful tastes in clothes. The skini jean didn't go with this shirts. I try to go along with the fashion.

On the street, a man says to me. Where are you from? I said, I'm from Korea.
A Man: Ohh, Korea? Where are you going?
I: I am going to the NASA

NASA Professor said, what do you think of Albert Einstein?
I: Me! I think he was a genius.
Professor: Great!

I want him to hate Japan. but I want him to like us. Miracle of the atomic bomb is coming. I trust him.

I go to English institutes after school. I don't have enough time to play with friends because I have to go to the institutes. I feel bored when I study with my math tutor. My English tutor told me I should be be memorize ten new words a day. Mom allowed me to watch TV when I finish my homework. My English teacher always assigns us too much homework.

It's a little desolate to write in English.

I'm dieting. I should be careful about my food. I want to be slim and pretty. I started jumping rope for 2 minutes a day to reduce my weight. I should be careful about my food. I keep on doing sitlupe to reduce the fat on my belly. I am healthy.

I have 230,000 won. But Mom said, “3:17”. So, I have 69,000 won. I'm sad.

I hope I can grow up very fast so that I can do what I want to do!

I want to be a teacher when I grow up. I want to make a lot of money. (I didn't have the heart to tell the kid how incredibly ironic/hilarious that statement is. Better to let them realize the cruel reality on their own)

I want to be my teacher's pet.

I fought with my sister all day during vacation. My parent always quit fighting. However, she stimulated me until my limits.

I gain weight seriously in this winter vacation. I need a diet.

I had a snowball fight with my father and brother. I put snow snow in my brother's clothes. Then he made me eat snow.

Today was so boring. I got up late in the morning. Then I washed and had breakfast. I had no idea what I need to do. So I read books. But it began to bored soon. Then I played computer games. But it began to bored again soon. I need to go to bed early today. How boring...

As feeling good, I served merrily.


BABBLEFISHED:


Eats a morning at 8:00.

The thought is exchanged little by little pessimistically.

Washing dish hell!!!!

The breath comes out automatically.

After finishing an arrangement, the off-time is honey taste.

Become the inside chart recently and if Ji the position school uniform it dose not put on uncontrollablely and in thought also the good vacation homework and duty activity to do it becomes but the vacation the degree of the ramyon it will be able to willingly submit.

Three line 20 with barking.

Is difficult but homework awareness does eagerly, is endeavoring.

Thought cleaning ended quickly and from child capacity and baby river crossing boiled from played and toward the house returned from hygienic roon.

3 people ten thousand sons we cleaned the royal tomb inside the post office only amd the trash which are picked up and They burnt.

We personage ate. To initially delicious doubing recording which will swell up and from the elementary school playground and to put out soccer par garage breath breath quality certainly more played and into the house came in.




This is just a small dabbling of what my kids wrote. Having now delved deeper into my students lives, I can have nothing but respect and empathy for the hectic lives these kids are forced to live. I already knew that my students, and all students in Korea in general, only sleep 4 or 5 hours a night on average, due to the long hours at school, followed by private academy classes into the late evening, with homework to work on back home as the veritable icing on the shitty cake. Simply put, Korean children don't ever really get a chance to be just that: kids. I was upset about the fact that my students had to waste several weeks of their winter vacation sitting around with my dumb ass, but it turns out that even their precious little time outside of school was taken up with classes and organized, parentally enforced bullshit. Obviously, many of them went to additional private academy classes, and as you can see from the passages above, the kids aren't too fond of them in general, but I was also surprised to find that these kids were getting stuck wasting day after day in church based camps and workshops. We we're talking 10 am to 6 pm days at church, at least from the few that listed times. Yuck. They have been so badly conditioned and bombarded with work, work, work, that they have no idea what to do with themselves when they don't actually have work to do. Sure, the kids would go and play from time to time, but the overwhelming answers to what the students do in their free time, when they aren't in classes, are play computer games, study some more, or sleep. The kids don't do anything, and I mean anything else. As you can see from the passage, on the rare occasions where the students don't wanna do any of those three previously listed things, they are shit out of luck. What about all those hours spent out in a forest or field or something with nothing but your imagination to create worlds in which to play in for hours at a pop? Well, for starters, these kids are never taught to creatively think or think outside the box and they are never given any creative outlets for their ideas. Creative expression doesn't really score well on standardized tests, so they don't bother with it. I would be shocked if my few creative and “different/weird” (remember, that's not a good thing here) students don't have the color beaten out of them by the nightmare that is high school. Couple all this work sans down time with the parental pressures they are under, and you have a recipe for disaster. Since there is no Social Security here and most families are rather small, the parents put tremendous pressure on the students to succeed and make lots of money, rather than follow their passions, as the kids have the burden of supporting Mom and Dad when they get older. An additional wrinkle for girls (although it probably hits guys a bit here too) is the skinny ideal. You saw from the quotes that a few of the girls were worried about their weight, even though these girls were nothing near “fat”. They clearly don't qualify as fat by the American definition, but most of them don't even qualify as fat by the Korean definition, which is incredibly skewed, clearly. Eating disorders have to be huge here, as most Korean women fit into one of two categories: 1) They appear to eat half their body's weight in food at each sitting (granted, its not much when you only weigh 20 pounds, but still), yet still remain twig-like. Say it with me everybody...Bulimia 2) The other end of the spectrum is the women who eat such small portions that you wonder if that would be suitable portions for their little rat dogs, let alone a human being, which screams Anorexia. Throw all this shit together and its no wonder that suicide in children is such a concern here. Their idols aren't making it any easier either, as today another famous young actress, from the most popular soap opera/drama on TV right now, just committed suicide. From the few people I've talked to, that makes 8 or 9 celebrities who have killed themselves in the last year or so. Christ. I'm more and more thankful every day for the childhood that I was actually able to have. You should be too.

A New Beginning or More of the Same?

Well, not too much happening in the life of yours truly, but I have 4 hours to burn before my first class and nothing to occupy my time, so I figured this was as good a time as any to chat about the new semester among other things..................................................Sorry, drifted off there for a second. Had to step back and listen to Coheed and Cambria's “Welcome Home”. God, I love that song and I miss Rock Band.

Before I attempt to unravel the mysteries of the Korean school culture, I shall discuss the exploits of the past weekend. Nothing too crazy but worth noting none the less. As a precursor to our obligatory partying and merrymaking in Hongdae, our little group decided to explore the underground shopping mall nestled around central Seoul. In general, all the joints were much too classy for an uncultured and unkempt bum such as yours truly, but I followed at the group's behest. Haha, I just had to check dictionary.com to ensure that I used behest properly. Ohhh god my English is fading. And I have no Korean to show for it. Hmmm... Anyways, the highlight of our time in the shopping mall was a discussion of Determinism vs. Humanism over a chocolate fondue. Yup, intellectual discussion and chocolate fondue go together like peanut butter and jelly (which consequently I eat quite a bit of now). I was clearly out of my element, so I tried to imagine the fondue as 12 packs of PBR and the discussion as being about how the Packers are going to the Super Bowl this year, how the Brewers are going to go undefeated, how much I hate people that don't have white skin, and whether George Dubya is a great president or the greatest (I'm leaning towards greatest, but that's just me). It helped. In case the illustrious reader does not know what Determinism or Humanism entail, allow me to assist you. Determinism is roughly the idea that man's decisions are the result of our genes, instincts, and other biological factors outside of our sphere of influence and control. Humanism roughly states that man is the master of the universe and nothing is outside the realm of possibility for man to accomplish. Obviously these definitions are badly simplified, but for our sake they should suffice. I clearly stand strongly behind Humanism and despise Determinism because it, to me, makes all our choices and decisions trivial and meaningless, since we were always going to swing the way we did thanks to our biology and they were gonna happen regardless of what we did. I refuse to acknowledge Determinism despite the fact that there exists some scientific proof in its defense and the fact that I know my life to be tiny and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Strange, right? With the heavy thinking behind us, we were free to move on to baser expenditures, namely alcohol. Along the way we enjoyed the excessive attention of several Koreans. Normally I don't write about this kind of stuff, but since we were in Seoul, where it doesn't happen as often, and it was quite exceptional, I decided to include it. Well, firstly, while we were riding the subway we noticed that we had attracted the attention of several middle aged Korean women. Nothing too exceptional at first, since the older generation is always the ones who are most in awe of our Western godliness or something. Things got a little bit stranger when we realized after some 10 minutes or so that the ladies were still staring and whispering amongst themselves and that their attention was honed in on one foreigner in particular: me. Not like I could blame them, what with my chiseled jawline, impeccable musculature, porcelain skin, perfect haircut....sorry, I just couldn't keep going. I just couldn't keep a straight face. The ladies continued to stare and undress me with their eyes (I feel so dirty!) for damn near the whole 30 minute ride or so. I'm glad, however, that I've still got it with the MILF crowd, no matter where I am. Though I probably shouldn't call them MILFs since I would most certainly not like to have sexual intercourse with any of them, regardless of what horrible things they were whispering about doing to me. Amy got her fair share of attention too, which is more typical. The worst gawkers are and will always be the middle aged men, usually egged on by the considerable amount of soju coursing through their veins. As we were leaving the subway, one male in particular walked right next to us and preceded to stare directly at Amy without even looking where he was going. Not even stairs could tear this man away from his sight, as he walked ahead of us all the way up the stairs with his head on a swivel, looking back at us the whole time, rather than where he was going. Subtle, subtle. Having already proven our attractiveness to the older generation, we turned our attention to a younger crowd, namely that in Hongdae, and hoped for similar success. Well, the other group members did. For all those of you back home who had hoped I would blossom into a full-blown man-whore while amongst young women who are supposedly are frenzied for packages exceeding 3 inches or so (no, no you can say it...that's right, “I'm above average!”...at least here), last weekend was a setback. Just wasn't feeling it. Sorry if I let anyone down. Just didn't feel like dancing with anyone, regardless of how hard the other foreigner crew tried. And they did try their damnedest. Went so far as to literally push me up against the ladies. Just wasn't happening. “Excuse me madam, would you perchance mind if I began grinding mine own genitalia against your lovely posterior?” “Not at all my good sir, in fact it would please me to no end if you did in fact carry through on your promise.” “Ahh, lovely!” “Quite right, quite right.” After “dancing” we headed to the noraebang. Anna had picked up a young Korean male, who I recommended that she marry post haste, as he paid for street food for everyone in our party as well as the noraebang room. I'm clearly not that proud as to refuse freebies. But this young man had more than just money: dude could belt it out. He surprised us with some English songs that he knew, most notably “How Deep is your Love?” by the Bee Gees. And yes, he did actually hit the notes. It was so beautiful that I may marry him if Anna doesn't. Somebody's gotta lock that shit down. I finally was able to carry through on a dream that I had been cultivating for the last few months since I found out they have “Dick in a Box” on the noraebang song list. Don't ask me why they do, but they did. I rocked it and rocked it hard. JT would be proud. The Korean guy tried to help out with the singing even though I'm sure he had no idea what the song was actually about. Hilarious. After the noraebang, it was time to head home on the first train. An all nighter. Fuck. I'm too old for this stuff.

Monday was the start of the new semester and brought rise to a plethora of new questions: What would the new principal be like? What would the new kids be like? Will I be able to survive this semester without strangling the co-teacher? Seriously, I still have fucking 6 months left at this school? The first day began with, in true korean style, an overblown ceremony/assembly to announce the new semester, etc. All the teachers were announced, the principal gave a speech, the new students greeted their new classmates, etc, yadayada. I was happy to see that my crazy, Japanese-loathing student won a scholarship from the school in the amount of 500,000 won (250 dollars and dropping...daily....Christ). I asked what he was going to do with it, hoping the answer would be hookers or some sort of weapon bent on destroying Japan. Alack alas, it's going in a savings account or something. I couldn't help but laugh during the ceremony when I saw that the big banner for the ceremony was reused. Now anyone who has been in Korea for a period of time will know that Koreans love to get big banners to announce anything and everything possible, so to see one that was being reused (they had taped a 9 over the last year number and taped over the date to adjust it) was truly a once in a lifetime event. They invest so much effort and time and money into these banners that I can't help wonder if a kid saves up his money to buy one after having sex for the first time in order to announce the fact to the world or if a family gets one for their daughter after she has her period for the first time. Maybe not, though. Another laughable fact of the whole spectacle is the excessive amount of “flowers” for the new principal and vice-principal. For the last few days it has been a steady stream of flower delivery men with pot after pot of congratulatory flowers. It wouldn't be so ridiculous if every plant wasn't the exact same and terribly ugly/plain. Each gift consists of an ugly multi leafed fern in a black pot with yellow decorative paper/trim along the rim of the pot. I wouldn't be so bothered if there wasn't so goddamn many of them. At last count both the principal and vice-principal had at least 15 pots. The offices look like a bloody jungle. Cue the 'Nam flashbacks. As for the new students, they look pretty docile and timid, so there should be no problems. Seriously, I don't think there is a single one I couldn't fit in my pocket with ease. Another plus is that my school got even smaller, as I traded my largest class (27 students), who graduated, for this new class that has only 19 students (my smallest class). That drops the total student total from 73 or 74 to 64 students. Freaking tiny. Yesterday (Tuesday) brought a potential new hurdle as I was introduced to the new principal for the first time. While he did ask me some questions in broken English (my name, where I'm from, my age, if I know Korean), the majority of the time was spent staring at walls while the co-teacher and the principal talked about me in Korean. I was able to catch them talking about where I lived and general stuff like that. I'm a little concerned as he looks to have his shit together and not be just a senile old drunk, which means he may decide to shove his nose where it doesn't belong, aka my classes and my general business. I could immediately tell that he was not pleased that I don't know Korean, having been here for 6 months, as after asking me he went off in Korean talking about Tony, the English teacher in Yangpyeong who has been here for 5 years and has a Korean wife, so thusly his Korean is quite good. All the teachers seem to know Tony since he has been here for so long and as a result all the rest of us get compared to him. I obviously know a lot more Korean than I let on, but I simply will not give up my one advantage of actually knowing what the hell is going on by letting on that I understand any Korean. At present the teachers will talk about me at length when I'm right there because they know I don't understand. Anything I can glean from them is more than I would be told normally, so I play dumb (yeah, yeah, har har....”Shouldn't be hard for you to do Wallin”....har har). After the meeting finished, the co-teacher told me that the principal wants me to learn Korean so I can communicate with the students better. WHAT???? Now in general that reasoning wouldn't be so asinine if for the small fact that I am here solely to teach the kids English. Max, another foreign teacher in town who actually knows Korean, had an addendum added to his contract that stipulated that he cannot and must not use Korean in the classroom. A little excessive, but they seem to have the right idea. I mean, my co-teacher can communicate quite well with the kids because of her Korean, but guess what? The kids' English sucks and it surprisingly doesn't improve when you talk only in Korean. Strange I know but very true. The kids need to be exposed to English and I'm the only one that seems able to do that. Not sure how the principal will be able to enforce that fact, given that none of the teachers seem compelled to help me learn. Not really sure he expects me to pick up the language without any actual teaching. Not well thought out. But then it wouldn't be Korea, now would it? Jethro brought up a good point last night when he suggested that the schools, if they want us to learn Korean so badly, help front the cost for university classes, since Jethro's class cost 800,000 won for 10 weeks of class and we only make 2,000,000 or so a month, that is nearly half a month's paycheck. Throw in the cost of general utilitys, food, and various bills that one may have to pay back in the States (especially with the really terrible conversion rate.... it was around 1000 won to 1 dollar when we arrived, now its 1600 won to 1 dollar), there isn't much left over for saving or for anything. But again, it wouldn't be Korea without unrealistic demands and expectations of foreigners. On another note, I was just told a few minutes ago that there will be an introduction ceremony next Wednesday for me to greet the parents of the new students, I presume. Should be interesting. I can only imagine what absurd expectations Mommy and Daddy have for me in regards to their precious little Parks and Kims. I can say for certain that I will thoroughly enjoy lying through my teeth as to what I will be teaching and how each student is gonna be fluent after working with me. God forbid they find out what actually goes on in my classes. What? No worksheets? No memorization of useless and non-authentic phrases? The kids are actually enjoying English class? The teacher isn't lecturing all hour? What sort of foul foreign sorcery is this? All I can do is smile, nod and let my beautiful white skin and my American birth do all the talking for me. That's all they wanna hear anyways. “And I say, let them eat cake!”