Wow, it's been a while since we've talked. What been happening with me? Ehh, stuff. You know, the usual. Seriously though, the vacation has ended and now comes the dreaded task of retelling the whole story. I'm sure I'm gonna get carpal tunnel from all this. But that's how much I care about you, the reader (all 2 of you), that I'm willing to sacrifice my own precious health to tell my epic story. I've decided to break up the vacation into at least 3 parts for the sake of my hands and your eyeballs. Here goes nothing: Alyse arrived. There was drinking/partying in Seoul. Busan was pretty cool. Saw some fish. Jeju was a bitch to get around. Tangerines everywhere. Alyse went home. The end. Fuck, that was exhausting. For real this time. Let's do it.
The vacation/adventures officially started way, way back on December 29th. Alyse's plane arrived at Incheon Airport at 9:10pm, so I spent most of the day cleaning the apartment in anticipation of her arrival. I made such a big deal about being anal about cleanliness over the summer when we hung out that I didn't want her to arrive at the homestead and see that I had been shirking my duties. I would have never heard the end of it. The journey to the airport itself is pretty simple. Just one 50 minute train ride to Cheongnangni station, then a 1 and a half hour bus ride from the station to the airport. I'd like to say that I was relaxed for the whole journey, but that would be lying. And I never do that...very much. It was a strange mix of anxiety/excitement/fear. I didn't have to change my shorts or anything, but still. I've never really had one of those Hollywood movie airport cliche greetings, so I was unsure of the proper decorum. I assumed that the screaming teenage girl mode was probably not the best decision, so I refrained. The fear really started setting in as I set up camp outside the proper terminal. Having just learned the details of how Amy's boyfriend was refused entrance to Korea because he didn't have a visa, and how my dad had to get a visa when he visited Korea for work, I was understandly worried. I had done the research and knew that Americans are allowed 30 days in Korea without a visa, but still, it's Korea. Shit happens. As the minutes began to tick away, I quickly became more and more concerned that I would be contacted by some security folks (it wouldn't be hard for them to spot me, as I was the only foreigner) and told that my friend was not being allowed entrance to Korea, upon which time I would have probably lost it and stolen one of their Segway looking things used for transporting baggage carts and run roughshod over Incheon Airport. Well, maybe not. Finally, after an hour or so of waiting, which probably isn't too bad considering customs, Alyse arrived. Finding each other in the mass of people was, well, really easy. She obviously spotted me instanteously due to MY MASSIVE SIZE (sorry, thought capitalizing it would add more dramatic emphasis...not sure if it worked) and the fact that nobody else cracked the 6 ft mark. I was able to find her easily due to the "anything but black" hair, blonde to be exact. Much more to come on the celebrity status inherent with blonde hair in Korea. With pleasantries dispensed with, we headed off to our hotel. After we checked in, we headed off for food and drinks. Food for me, since I hadn't eaten since noon, and drink for Alyse. Bless her heart, she came her with a goal in mind to drink whenever possible and I do have to say she succeeded. Since she is only 19 (sorry, 22, I forgot) and survived a rather tough semester, her last few months have been rather "dry" and she decided to remedy that with the "elixir of the gods" (I'm pretty sure that's from my dad...). We walked the 10 seconds from our hotel to the nearest bar (so they like to drink here, don't judge) and settled down for some refreshments. Alyse experienced the "Taste of Vitality" firsthand (the ridiculous slogan for Cass, a Korean beer) while I settled on the fruit plate (shut up Amy!). With both of our appetites quenched, we headed back to the hotel to rest up for tomorrow.
December 30th saw us journeying back towards the homestead in the metropolis of Yangpyeong. While waiting at Cheongnangni for the train back home, Alyse had her first encounter with Korean street food and Korean people. As for the food, being deep fried and delicious, she naturally loved it. As for the Korean people, well, they loved her. It was amazing to see how much people wanted to talk to and would talk to Alyse, as opposed to myself. I know I'm tall and all, but geez, it's not like I'm fucking Frankenstein's monster or something. I always thought I looked kinda pathetic, but I guess I come off as imposing or intimidating here. As we were ordering our hoddeoks (thick pancakes with brown sugar in the middle), the old lady running the stand got all "motherly" and expressed concern over Alyse's cold hands, since she had no gloves, her red cheeks (I think she came over and pressed her hands to Alyse's cheeks), and commented on her hair. Cute. The adorable encounters continued on the train as we met this little girl about 4 or 5 years old that really wanted to talk to us. We introduced ourselves, talked about where we were from and what not, then talked about her stinky brother (he pretty much ruined the toilet in our car with his business...admirable). The cutest thing was that she would run away for a bit, then come right back and continue talking about 5 minutes or so. She was also enamoured of Alyse's blonde locks. I'm telling you, if you have low self esteem and happen to be white (that last part's a big one, sorry Maria, they don't want "your" kind, white on the inside don't count to them), you should come to Korea. It'll do wonders for you. After arriving in town, I gave Alyse the grand tour of town. 20 minutes later, with the tour finished, we headed out to dinner with the gym teacher and the kids. The little ones took an immediate liking to Alyse and began playing with her hair almost immediately. Yuna, the 3 year old girl, spent a considerable amount of time trying to braid her hair and what not. Trying to impress their new friend and sensing that she loves to see Wallin in pain as much as everyone else does, they began the assault. Alyse took a wonderful picture at the restaurant where Yuna crawled up on my shoulder and began pulling the hair out of my scalp. On a side note, all the pictures and videos are posted on Facebook, so if you don't have access to it, let me know and I'll find a way to get you the pics. Sorry, but I just assumed that everyone who actually reads this is under the age of 25. With Yuna dead set on making a sweater out of my hair, Jaehan, having discovered the mighty weapon between his legs and the weaknesses that come with it, decided to play the game "Hit Eric in the junk until he passes out". Thankfully, from years of cock punches and soccer mishaps and the fact that he is only 7, I survived with minimal damage. Probably sterile, but that is an issue for another day. All in all, lots of fun, especially for Alyse, as she became attached to the family, especially the wife, even though she speaks no English.
December 31st: The date. The mission: Go to Seoul and have a damn good time for New Years. Our quest began with a momentary setback that could potentially have been deadly. Upon arriving at our hotel in the heart of Seoul (I mean dead center, right at City Hall, sweeet location), we were informed that we didn't have a room. I paid extra on-line to reserve a spot at this hotel and given the very definition of what a reservation is, you know so shit like this doesn't happen, I was peeved. But that's Korea sometimes, so you move on. Thankfully, the manager walked us down the street and checked us into another hotel at the same price. What a relief. I really didn't wanna go banging on doors to find a place to crash in Seoul for New Year's Eve. Yikes. With the sleeping arrangements set, we set off to explore Seoul. Headed to Insa-dong to pick up gifts for Alyse's family and delicious tea, Namdaemun/Myeong-dong to see commerce at its finest, from the posh stores of Myeong-dong to the crowded traditional markets of Namdaemun, then on to Jogyesa Buddhist Temple for shits and giggles. With some sights under our belts, we doubled back to the hotel to get dressed up for dinner and a night out in Hongdae. Took me 5 minutes (t-shirt off, dress shirt on), but obviously my fellow traveler required a little bit more prep time. In my defense, there is no amount of time and effort that could make something respectable out of the mess I call me. Not to mention that I'm gonna look like a shmuck in comparison to her no matter what I do (yes, I realize that I'm quite lucky). Pretty faces on, we headed to Seoul Tower. Hold up! Disaster looms yet again. The shirt that Alyse bought back in the States specifically for New Years....has been forgotten back in Yangpyeong. Thankfully, the Tower is right next to the numerous shops in Myeong-dong and we quickly find a suitable replacement. Have no fear, Alyse did get to wear the illusive shirt before she left and it was a damn fine shirt, this I do confer. Not wanting to hike the 30 minutes up to the Tower, especially since Alyse was in heels, we took the cable car to the top. A wise decision as the view is insane and the enjoyment of listening to Koreans, males and females alike, squealing in terror at every shake and tremor of the cable car is nearly unparalleled. I know, I know, I'm a bad person. Once at the top, we survived yet another hurdle. Upon arriving at the elevator, we realized that a ticket must be purchased in order to gain access. I quickly ran back outside to buy our ticket, as you pay for the dinner and observation deck ticket at the ticket booth on the ground floor, rather than in the restaurant. I hoped in line and waited several minutes only to find out that I was in the wrong line for restaurant passes. Once in the proper line, I purchased my tickets and hurried back to Alyse at the elevator. As we were being herded into the elevator, I realized that I had only been charged 14,000 won (the price of 2 observation passes) rather than the 76,000 I should have paid (for dinner) and that we were in the wrong elevator. So back to the ticket booth I went. This time the dude selling dinner tickets was closed so I hopped back into the other line. When I reached the front, the dinner ticket guy had opened back up and I was told I was in the wrong line again. God motherfucking damnit. Finally, I got in the right line and got the right tickets and we headed up to the restaurant. 'Course, we were now 15 minutes late and I was worried that we would lose our reservation, and with the waiting list time at 1 hour, my worry was justified. Thankfully, we were seated immediately and man was it worth it. The view was amazing. You could see all of Seoul and it goes on forever. Man, was it gorgeous with all the lights glittering in the moonlight. The dinner was delicious and our waiter was very amusing. Apparently he's a Canadian of Korean descent who has been living and working in Korea for the last 3 years working on his Korean. Wrap your mind around that one. With dinner knocked out, we headed down to Cheonggyecheon stream in downtown Seoul (my favorite spot in town). It was especially purdy what with tons of lights and extra decorations set up around the premise. An unexpected decoration was the hundreds of riot cops setting up all around the stream. I guess it's a Korean New Year's tradition to try and tear down/break into major buildings and institutions, so the riot cops were setting up in droves at the doors of all the major companies buildings by 9pm. For each their own, I guess. Sightseeing done, we got to drinking. Finally. We arrived in Hongdae and tried to connect up with my foreigner friends, but they all wussed out/couldn't find a place to stay, so alone were we. Here comes Midnight. 3...2....1.....Happy New Year!!! Streamers? Celebrations? Rowdiness? Not in our bar. The denizens gave a pretty damn weak "hurrah" at midnight, and then continued doing their own thing. This doesn't look good. New Year's might be kinda lame. Shit. We quickly headed out of that bar to find some more happening surroundings, and praise Jesus, we stumbled into some other foreign teachers that I knew. Not like it was hard to spot them, as Brinley and Brianna are probably the only gingers in all of Korea. Bright red hair, and as Brinley was quite drunk, a very noticable voice. Kinda hard to miss. We latched ourselves onto their sizeable party of foreigners, as Brinley drinks a wee bit more than me, so I trusted his drunk judgment of happening clubs. After considerable wandering and backtracking and going in circles (remember, really drunk), we found our way to Oi Club. Awesome place. The place had a distinctive feel. You have to take off your shoes when you come in, your table is a tree stump on the floor and the whole club looks like a freaking cave. Plus, they have hookahs. With a happening crew in hand, we commenced to more drinking and considerable merriment. The rest of the party were pretty damn cool cats, so we spent several hours chatting, drinking and even dancing (yeah I know, I was shocked too....but I'm not that big of a loser to refuse to dance when asked by a female). Finally, at the ripe early hour of 4:30 am, we headed back to our hotel...to find that we were locked out. Fuck. Since most hotels in Korea are run by little old ladies or little old men, we are at the mercy of the owner. Apparently, he went home at 2am and padlocked the door of the motel. That leaves only one option: Jimjilbang. Wandered back to the taxis and had them deliver us to the nearest jimjilbang and promptly crashed. Well, me at least. Alyse, having never experienced the homo-erotic wonderland that is the jimjilbang, explored the baths and showers until 5:30 am. A fitting end to a fabulous New Years.
Jan 1st: Got up at noon. Wandered around town for a few hours. Back to the hotel by 8pm. Asleep by 10pm. That was all. Literally. New Year's and trying to sleep at a jimjilbang will do that do you.
As Jan 2 was our last day in Seoul and that we were especially well rested, we headed off to Seoul Tower again to hike around the trails and park at its base. Quite popular and quite scenic, as Namsan Park is Seoul's Central Park, an oasis of the natural in a sea of metal and the artificial. We couldn't linger long, as we had another date with the gym teacher and the family back home. We were treated to another dinner, then the whole group (mom, dad, kids, foreigners, and grandma) headed off to the local jimjilbang for rest and relaxation. This one was more of a sauna/bathhouse than sleeping area, as the saunas and bathhouses took up the vast majority of the complex. This being my first time naked in the jimjilbang with the gym teacher, I was prepared for anything. Well, almost anything. No sooner had we hit the locker room and dropped our pjs, then the gym teacher turned around looked down at my penis and exclaimed "Wow, its big!" ................................... Ummmmm, okay. Thank you? What are you supposed to say to that? Things got even more fun when we hit the shower, especially with a 7 year old in tow. While we were brushing our teeth, Jaehan decided that he was gonna spit his toothpaste on his dad and aimed it perfectly so that when he fired he got it in of all places....his dad's asshole. Disgusting, but so fucking hilarious. Well, maybe just disgusting to you, but absolutely hilarious to me. There is something about a grown man cleaning toothpaste out of his asshole that makes my stomach hurt due to laughter. Eventually we headed back to the common area and connected back up with the girls, where I found out that the gym teacher's wife had scrubbed Alyse's back when they were in the showers. Awwwwwwwwwwwww, cute. Now that we were clean and fresh, it was time to hit the saunas to get hot and sweaty and stinky again. Clearly. After several cycles of baking ourselves, then freezing our selves in the outdoor area, we sat down for some snacks, a quick rest, then another shower before heading home. Seriously, we need jimjilbangs back in the States. I'm hoping that Alyse decides to start one, but she's pretty busy, so that may not happen.
Ugggg. Well, that's all for part 1. That was only 5 days. We are only getting started. Busan and Jeju still await us. And one horrible night of sickness still awaits me. Ohh boy, I can hardly wait.
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