Skiing in Korea: Mayhem on the Mt.

It's been about a week, so time for another post about the past week. Surprisingly, shit actually happened in the last week, so there are stories to tell. Wednesday led off the adventures, as all or nearly all of the foreign teachers within Gyeonggi province (GEPIK) were given the day off (cuz that's all it really was, a day off from teaching) to attend a workshop in Seoul. As per usual, it was a waste of time, as the lecture material and advise was unapplicable for the vast majority of teachers. We were blessed to have an actual Korean principal explain to us the finer details of the Korean mindset to help us better understand our co-workers. The shortened version: Korea is different from where you are from. We understand that you have issues with your co-workers, it's not their fault. It's Korean culture. They can't help it. Try to accommodate to them. The beautiful thing about the lecture is that they explicitly tagged the foreigner concern that whenever one of us is critical about some fucked up aspect of Korea, our co-teacher's just brush it off as, "Ohh, that's just Korean culture, that's just how it is", yet the entire lecture was basically a huge example of blaming on culture. Some day Korea will realize just how ridiculous it is and understand what we've been laughing about for years. I just hope it's not too soon, as it would make my time here a lot less entertaining. They also made a big deal of Korean smiles and the connotations/significance of the expression or some bullshit like that.

My first real opportunity to put to the test the plethora of insight about Korea came Thursday when I was privy to one of the most idiotic moments in Korean English teaching history. I've been working with the gym classes and helping teach the class/talk to the kids in English for a while and its never been much of deal, so I was quite confused when I was told that I needed to "plan" for gym class with the gym teacher. When we got outside, I was told by the English co-teacher, as she was there to, that I would be translating what the Korean teacher says during the warmup. All Korean gym classes begin with a stupid little calisthenics (spelling?) routine where they touch their toes, run in place, etc. for several minutes. Well, I'm told by both teachers that I will be telling the students what to do for the routine in English directly following the Korean instructor's rules. So basically, he tells them to run in place while he counts to 8 in Korean, then I repeat the process but in English. And since this is so complicated, we have to prepare what each command/stretch translates to in English. The cherry on top was when I was asked what you would call a particular routine where the student runs in place while they pull their arms in and tuck them close to their armpit in fists, then reach out toward the sky, directly in front of them, and then finally towards their toes. Obviously there are many ways you could that in English, so I tried to find one that wasn't incredibly long and difficult for the students and offered up "Reach out like this, like this, etc." while demonstrating. I told the teachers that I wasn't really sure what the "right" way to say that was, and I was told, and they were completely serious about this, that I should find a dictionary and study to find the proper word, then tell them. Dear Lord, It's Eric. I know we don't talk much, what with me denying your existence and all, but hopefully we can get past our differences and you can help me out here. I would really appreciate if you could strike me down where I stand and save me the agony that is me trying to wrap my mind around what just transpired. Thanks. They also asked me to type out the commands and print them out for them, then made a big deal that each command wasn't in its proper order. I had just listed them, but not in order. Chaos ensued. As I expected, the new Englishee initiative failed horribly. The kids hate the routine for the obvious reasons as its stupid and not very helpful. Most of the kids just stand around during it when the gym teacher isn't watching. In theory, we were doubling the amount of time wasted with the English parts, but it actually turned out much worse, as when I began demonstrating and going through the steps in English I was routinely interrupted and stopped by the gym teacher because I wasn't doing it right, only to have to start over from the beginning. The majority of the time was spent with the students and myself being equally confused as to what the fuck we where doing, while the Korean gym teacher screamed at them for just standing around being confused. For the 1st graders, he actually had over half the class stand off to the side and hold their hands above their heads because they were misbehaving, according to him. In a side note, the children really seem to hate gym class and the gym teacher, as he just yells at them and makes them to manual labor. One grade had to clean out the storage shed so new flooring and cabinets could be put in, while another had to carry 30 kg bags of salt up a hill so they could be spread on a hill so it wouldn't ice over. I helped carry while the gym teacher did not, thus explaining why the kids don't hate me but routinely call him "bad man" and "devil" behind his back to me. The salt bag carrying students even went as far as to say "We unpaid workers...We slaves". The best line came from one of my highest level first graders when he said "Gym teacher angry. Be careful. Don't trust him." Wise words young one, wise words. I'm way ahead of you. In semi-related "What the fuck is going on?" moment at school, my principal just walked up to me when I was in the teacher room, tapped me on the shoulder, then when I turned around he pinched both of my nostrils shut with his thumb and forefinger and held it shut for several seconds while he blathered on to me in Korean. Needless to say, I was confused. When he let go of my nose, he simply walked away and left the office. WHAT THE FUCK?

Thankfully, the weekend arrived and I, as per usual, gathered with fellow foreigners to try through the theory that many heads are better than one to solve the mysteries of Korea. This weekend the setting was different, as we gathered at Phoenix Park outside of Wonju for skiing and the requisite Korea discussions. I tried snowboarding for the first time and it was quite enjoyable. As a small side note, if you are ever interested in trying skiing or snowboarding for the first time, don't do it in Korea. I have never seen so many people on so few of slopes, or so many inexperienced people around. Try to imagine a slope the busiest you've ever seen it, then probably double it and you'll have Korean ski traffic during the day on the weekend. Uggg. In two hours we beginner snowboarders went down the bunny hill twice, thanks to very long lines and slow movement down the hill. Not only was it insanely crowded but Koreans will plop their tiny asses down anywhere on the hill, so you must avoid frequent landmines in the middle of the slope. They make absolutely no attempt to get to the side of the slope for a break. Plus, just like in cars, they will cut you off and force you to violently turn to avoid hitting them. To show how oblivious they are to everyone around them, our group actually saw one girl talking on her cell phone as she went down the slope. Just frightening. A hilarious example of their vanity was when we spied a Korean women, sitting down, presumably in the middle of the slope, to reapply her makeup. WHAT THE FUCK? To make things more dangerous, there is very little true snow to cover over the ice, so all the runs are hard to maneuver in and quite hard to fall on (that I know from experience). All in all it was fun, but much more stressful than skiing should be. Our day ended early, as both mine and Amy's rental snowboards broke. I had one binding that wouldn't re-latch and Amy's kept coming unlatched. Mine actually forced me to walk it halfway down a hill, as the rest of the group was waiting at the bottom and I was getting tired of being whistled at by some guy directing traffic for being in the way. I messed up my left knee a bit, as on my last fall, I fell forward onto my face, but the board kicked up over my back and my knee got bent around. I didn't feel anything pop or tear, but it very easily could have given the fall. I probably just sprained it which is good because I really don't wanna have to deal with Korean medicine. That's another can of worms I would like to stay far, far away from. The situation improved after skiing ended, as the group of us went to a nice restaurant near our lodge, which was right on the mountain. Think Aspen or Vale or one of those places, where an entire city is pretty much at the base of the hill. Numerous hotels and hostels littered the skyline. The dinner was really wonderful, as the restaurant felt like a nice one back in the States, not just some divey hole in the wall like most restaurants here. We all had non-Korean food. I had a seafood pasta dish with clams (what?), shrimp (no way), and scallops (holy shit!). They even had legitimate alcohols, as I had a gin and tonic with Beefeater gin, while the other group members had wine, whiskey and other reputable liquors. I can't even remember how long it's been since I had a legitimate liquor that didn't suck. Our evening ended with a engaging conversation on all things Korea, past, present and future. The most interesting revelation was that many men more than simply dress and act kinda effeminate, actually are gay. This came as a shock to us, as we had been told that there were no gays here in Korea. None, zero. Obviously, there are gays here but we didn't realize how common it actually was until we talked to several teachers who have been here for several years. Apparently it is common for men who are married to have boyfriends on the side. These teachers said that many men, as do some in the States, have facade families with wives and children, while having boyfriends on the side. We all knew that Korean husbands rarely spend any time with their wives, as they are always hanging out with their male friends, but we didn't realize the severity and magnitude and connotations of it. This revelation was especially hard for Anna, who has had her sights set on finding a Korean man while she's here. Poor girl.