Still Catching Up: Out on the Town

Yes, sprinkled in between trips to the serene wilderness, the trip with the rest of my school (don't worry I'll get to it eventually), and my parents vacation here, I managed to get out on the town, while drinking a bit too much and generally acting like an idiot with my friends. Plus there's a couple of my patented "Face, meet Palm" FAILS sprinkled in there too. And if I know my friends and family, there is little they like more than my fuck ups. Enjoy.

The first of my adventures took place in Hongdae. Not like the location matters at all. Hell, I could be ridiculous and FAIL plenty hard in my own living room. Actually, I think the Mound St. crew could attest to that fact. As usual I was out with all girls. Strange how that always works out that way. Was that way in Madison too. As a result I've learned many things. Terrible, horrible, awful things about how the female body works and about sex. From now on, I'm sticking to the stork story for where babies come from, as the details of that explanation don't make me want to cry. Although, I should apologize to the ladies though, as they always have me around ruining all their chances of getting hit on or finding a guy. I get it. Men feel intimidated with a Grade A specimen of all that is man like myself hanging around the girls. Obviously they know they can't measure up and just don't even try. So for being just too damn handsome and charming and awesome and tall, I am sorry ladies.

Perhaps because I'm always killing their game, the ladies decided to invite more people to join us, but refused to invite any women. So later in the evening when they all had somebody to cuddle up with, poor old Eric was sitting alone and not nearly drunk enough in the corner. Not like that particular feeling was new or anything. I happen to know it much too well.

Things got more interesting when we met an acquaintance from the Jeollanam-do trip. See, had it just been me on the trip, I wouldn't have talked to this particular and thus would have missed out on all the juicy gossip. So perhaps being social does have its advantages. But since Amy DID actually talk to this girl and get to know her on the trip, she recognized her right away at the particular bar we were at and struck up conversation. Cue drama. See, this acquaintance has had a pretty interesting last 2 weeks since we saw her. During the trip she was traveling with her steady boyfriend of at least a year. Everything seemed fine. Cept, a few days after the trip he just up and told her he didn't love her anymore and they were finished. Nothing too crazy right? But ohhhh there's more. What does she attribute the collapse to? Our mutual friend Jenna. She claims that Jenna done stole her man away cuz she a ho. OHHHHHHH SNAP! Well, she probably didn't say it exactly like that. But she certainly believed Jenna to be the cause. How exciting. It was like Jerry Springer, but right in front of my eyes. Awesome. If this is what middle and high school were actually like, let me just say that I'm sad I spent all my time actually studying. My mistake. I had major doubts about the accuracy of the girl's claims, given how easily some men (cough cough) take to following at her heels without any action on Jenna's part, but that doesn't make it any less exciting.

A few weeks later, we reconvened, this time in Anna's town of Ilsan. After some dinner we found ourselves at a music bar. Let me just issue a very heart felt thank you on behalf of all the foreign folk here dying for some decent (aka listenable) music after all the auditory horrors we endure (perhaps I may be exaggerating, but at this present moment 3 of the current chart hits feature choruses that consist of 1) "madonna donna madonna donna" repeated multiple times 2) "Wake Up" repeated 15 times per chorus and yes, I did count it out and 3) "beddie battie bettie boddie" or some other similar sounds/noises). You see, these "music bars" have the good shit, so to speak. Their walls are full of records and CDs of every foreign artist of quality ever. Want CCR? Done. The Rolling Stones? Done. Earth, Wind and Fire? Done. As you might expect, most of the clientele in these places are foreign, but their owners are always Korean and always the coolest motherfuckers around. I would posit that there is a direct correlation between having good taste in music and being an awesome person. That's not to say that Koreans don't show up, but you can always tell which songs they chose. Allman Brothers Band, Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Jason Mraz, Marvin Gaye, Bob Marley, BB King. Which of those artists doesn't belong? If you said "Jason Mraz" you aren't an idiot. Personally, I like his stuff, but to be at a music bar with all that incredible selection on the walls and to have someone pick not one, not two, but three Mraz songs? Awful, awful, awful.

Anyways, we were enjoying ourselves when someone in the group (cough Amy cough) started dancing and suggested we all join her. Apparently we had a bit to drink, as we agreed this would be a good idea and joined her. Some time later, Amy decided to dance without her shoes because....well, I don't know. Because that's what Jesus would have done? I don't know. Again, we must have had a few because we also agreed this would be a good idea and joined in again. Now this wasn't your usual hardwood or concrete barfloor that stick to and such, as the floor was carpeted and relatively clean. Still, its a bar floor, so certainly not spotless. It did cause some confusion the next day when trying to understand why my feet were so damn dirty. "OOhhhh, right the barefoot dancing....."

When everybody was tired of dancing, they settled down to listen to the music and discuss my failure to get laid...wait, what? Yeah, I'm not so sure how we got on the topic, but all of a sudden I had several people swarming me, telling how I should respect myself more and what I should do to "get it done", so to speak. Hell, I was even getting lectured by a guy that I had just met 2 hours previous. Thanks guy whose name I don't remember, your advice was super helpful. I enjoyed their concern, but at some point I kinda just zoned them out. Probably right around the point where somebody suggested that to get myself out there I make a Craigslist ad. They were serious. And really drunk, by the looks of it.

Soon enough, the group lost interest in me and I was able to focus on more important things, like the 3 Irish girls that had entered the bar. Don't get your hopes up folks, I still failed in the end. But not without trying. Wait, they were actually Scottish. Shows how much I was paying attention when they were talking....or how much I know about European geography (always seem to confuse Ireland and Scotland, dumb I know) Anyways, with Amy already making conversation, being the super social lady she is, I had my easy in. We got to talking about Scotland and Edinburgh because no European really gives two shits about what life is like in America while I am immensely curious about life in Europe. After some time, I noticed that Amy and the rest of the gang were leaving. They said they were tired and wanted to go home, but I find that highly suspicious. Methinks they bailed to force me to talk with and try and pick up one of the girls. What can I say, they are always looking out for me.

After a bit, the ladies said they had to meet a few friends at their post-rec soccer league game celebration and invited me to tag along. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't 40 or so foreigners standing around and drinking outside a convenience store. The crowd was a large collection of players, friends, girlfriends and other there to celebrate the soccer club's rec league championship or something like that. I would appear that the group consisted of every Brit, Scot, and Irish living in the general vicinity was there, as I might have been the only American there. Which made the conversation difficult when it inevitably drifted to "What is your town in England?" or "What do you think of (insert random English town)?". Since England is considerably smaller than the US, it would appear that every Brit has been to every single city in the entire country and thus has a story/adventure to tell about Leeds, Sheffeld, Hull, Blackpool, or whatever. Even the tiny towns with one pub and 2 people living there, they've been there.

In time though, the little old lady running the convenience store we were squatting outside of shooed us off as it was 11pm or so and we were drinking and merrymaking outside near residential areas. The massive whitey fest disbanded and went their separate ways. I obviously followed my new Scottish acquaintances to the next bar, where is was time to work my magic. I'm just kidding, I have no moves. Clearly. Once at the bar, each male had to stake claims for the female of their choosing. Unlike the animal kingdom, where the males would have fought to the death, we humans settle the issue in a civilized way: super awkward conversations. A taste:

Other Guy: "Hey man, which girl you going for?"
Me: "What?"
Other Guy: "Well, it looks like you're going for that girl you've been talking to and I'm just wondering if its okay if I go for her friend over here."
Me: "Ummm...yeah go ahead man. Feel free."

Animals have it so much easier.

This however, was where it all fell apart. Sadly, I can't take much of the credit for this one. My body just betrayed me. After having survived an early onslaught of hard liquor unscathed, I figured my wussy stomach was gonna hold together. Not so, not so. A couple sips into my first beer at the new place and I knew that I was in trouble. Serious stomach queasiness set in and all other concerns were brushed aside. I can now definitely say that there is a primal instinct stronger than the need for sex and that is the need to not vomit everywhere. To hopefully help me out, I headed outside for air. On 3 separate occasions. However, even after the air breaks, judgement day still came. While on the way to the toilet for fear of the serious rumblings going on in my tummy, the proverbial dam broke. But since it was me, I played it cool. Walking to bathroom, turn head, open mouth, vomit, close mouth, turn head back, continue towards bathroom. All without breaking stride. And really you can't feel too bad for the hallway. I certainly wasn't the only one who made a mess there. Once business was concluded properly in the bathroom, I decided to leave, as I was obviously in no shape to continue. Tough luck but what you gonna do? So I headed out to find an ATM before grabbing the cab home. Upon obtaining my cash, something unusual dawned on me: I felt great. Stomach queasiness, fatigue, everything. Gone. I was then again faced with a choice: should I stay or should I go? Hey, that's a Fall Out Boy track isn't it? I'm pretty sure it is. (that ones for you Maria). Well, quite unsurprisingly, I chose to stay. So I rushed back up the steps to the bar, confident that luck and good fortune were on my side for once, only to find....that everybody had left. Crap. I guess I had disappeared for longer than I thought. So I went home, sad and alone.

Our final adventure took place several weekends later, at the final gathering of the crew. We had decided on dinner in Anna's town, then drinks for however long that took us. It was just the small group of us and one mutual female friend of Amy and Anna that I had never met. She seemed nice, but I really didn't make much notice of her. Dinner, nothing out of the ordinary. 1st bar, just drinking and chatting. It wasn't until we got back to that music bar from the previous adventure that things got interesting.

As it was a music bar, they have numerous pencils and sheets of paper available for writing down song requests. Funny that those little pieces of paper would have so much effect on the evening to come. While writing away, I noticed that Amy had suddenly gotten super secretive about her music choices, hiding the paper from view while exchanging hushed discussion with Anna. Obviously, this peaked my interest and I had to know what was on the paper. Hell, they were looking at me, while sharing their hush-hush conversation, so I knew it had to be about me. Course, that was probably part of their plan anyways. To get me interested in whatever they were writing.

I assumed it was some manner of goofy song or whatever. Just goofy kids being goofy. I was very, very wrong. Soon enough, they slid the paper sorta discretely under the table to me. What did it say? "Eric, Person A (for her sake, lets not use her name) told us she likes you. You should go for that." Person A being the mutual female friend who I had never met before that evening. But they told me via note? It's like the middle school I never had. Charming. But this certainly changes things. It's true that I still wasn't attracted to her, but now I had a legitimate opportunity. And given how desperate I'd been of late for anything, it took me all of a nanosecond to decide to go for it.

Since the group knew all too well how piss poor I am at picking up women, they did all they could to help me out, which was equal parts sweet and annoying. When we moved tables, the group conspired to have us sit together, despite not really having exchanged any manner of conversation up to this point. Poor unsuspecting Carrie actually sat down between us and then got yelled at and told to sit on the other side of the table with Amy. It was so incredibly not subtle that I broke out laughing. But it achieved the desired result, in that we sat next to each other and chatted. Mama Bear Powis, in all her meddling glory, actually dragged Anna away at one point because I was talking to Anna too much and thus scaring away the new girl, despite Anna being very much just a friend.

We chatted for a long time and actually managed to have some decent conversation. "you know, you are like the most beautiful person I have ever, ever met in like my entire life? No, no, I'm totally serious and stuff. You could be a part-time model or something." No, not that wonderful drunken conversation. We discussed comics and she told me how she knows Neil Gaiman and how she and her friends hung out with him a bunch of times and how her friend slept with Neil Gaiman for a while. For the record, I didn't believe a word of what she said, but that didn't make it any less interesting.

I realized at some point that the rest of the crew had pulled back and seemed to be simply observing what I was doing, which was weird but it certainly was sweet that they cared so much. Just wish they would be less voyeuristic about it. Take my conversation with Jamie a few days later: "Eric, I was a little worried at first, with you not making any moves. But then I turned to say something to Amy and when I turned back, you had your hand around her ass. Atta boy. I couldn't have been more proud of ya, son." Like I said, very creepy, but sweet.

Eventually the rest of the crew had had enough to drink and tried to ditch us in an attempt to allow some alone time for the girl and I. At least thats what I hope they were doing. The two of us decided to head to a different bar at the same the rest of the group was leaving, so we tried to catch up to them and share the elevator with them. They instead tried desperately to close the door before we got there. Again, I hope they were doing it to help me. Otherwise they are just huge assholes. Hmmmmmm.

The two of us headed to a new bar, where we chatted about various stuff and drank some more. THE END.

What you say? There has to be more to the story? Well, there is, but a public forum blog is not the place for that. Don't worry, there were certainly more fails to end this particular evening, but you'll just have to talk to me in private to get those details. Sorry.