Remember that trip I took to Japan 3 months ago? Well here’s the write up about it.…finally.

Yes, I realize I’m a little late in writing about the Japan trip, considering Collin has already written about my time there and he was without internet for like 2 months after I left. A nasty combination of laziness and actual constraints on my time have kept me from writing it thus far. But no more delays. Let’s do this!

Our story begins oooooohhh so many months ago, as soon as I got back from the Philippines. My plane landed back in Korea on a Sunday around 5pm local time, so I entered my sweltering apartment (the thermostat read 35 degrees Celcius, or for those Farenheit followers, 95 degrees. Yeah, hot) around 10pm or so. No time to truly settle in, as I had to be back in Seoul the next afternoon for my placement test for my Korean course and then crash for the night in order to make my flight Tuesday noon.

Monday was uneventful, save for my Korean placement test and quite possibly the greatest Korean drunk guy ever. Otherwise it was simply take train to Seoul, waste time before placement test, waste time after placement test, eat dinner, grab a beer with Chris, then go to bed. The placement test wasn’t really entertaining for me, as I EPIC failed, but I imagine it will be entertaining for those in the audience who find my debacles humorous (cough Maria cough Collin cough cough actually all of my friends to be honest cough, cough). Now, I went into this thing expecting it to be some sort of written exam or at least something that would test the entirety of my Korean ability (reading, writing, speaking, listening). Not so. At the front desk I was told it would simply be an interview for one of the professors. Which would have been fine, had I heard the Korean language at all in the last 2 weeks. Ouch. Once inside the professors office, it was one stumblefuck after another. I couldn’t understand what she was asking for most of her questions, even though they were very easy ones. And when it takes you damn near 3 minutes to think of an answer to “What movies do you like?”, you probably aren’t gonna score too well on that test. Plus, I may have cussed out loud in English, which won’t help either, as every Korean knows the word “fuck”. I believe it sounded something like this: “영화? Ohhh my god, I know this word. 영화? What the fuck is that? Cmon, Eric you know this. Fuck, seriously what the hell is 영화? Shit, its “movie”. Wow.” Understandably, I didn’t place into the high level classes. But I did end up getting the last laugh, as I killed my final for the Korean class yesterday. 2 hours and 40 min exam? Done in 15 mins. Only error? Spelled one word wrong. Phonetic language, my ass. Phonetic don’t help when several letters sound exactly the same.

Anyways, the highlight of the day was the drunk guy Chris and I met after a beer at a downtown bar. So it was only midnight or so and we had decided to call it a night, I with my plane to catch the next morning and Chris with work. After leaving the bar, we decided to wander down along the Cheongyecheon stream that runs through one of the areas of downtown Seoul. As we headed away from the bright lights and towards some of the quieter areas, we began to get into hobo and drunk/blacked out businessmen area. We saw “our guy” from a ways away. He was standing (well, wobbling) with his back to us and he had his hands in front of his body in such a manner that you know he’s peeing. Now this wasn’t some back alley or something. Ohhh no, this was the sitting area above the stream, with roads on either side. No cover, no way to conceal it. As we got closer we were able to see, from the light of the moon, that this dude had been peeing…for a long time. His puddle stretched out several feet in all directions. How you ask? Well, he was like a human compass, you know the ones you use to draw perfect circles in geometry class. His body was the central point and he just spun in a circle and let that pee fly in all directions. But that’s not all. As we passed him, we heard a massive thud. We quickly turned to see that he had blacked out and fallen over…in the urine. Cept, his positioning was unusual. He had fallen forward and hit his head on the ground, cept he still stayed somewhat upright. His feet were still on the ground, and now his head was on the ground too, so he made a big triangle shape, with his ass being the peak. Now, we were shocked that someone could possibly pass out in that position, but we were even more shocked when we saw him up and peeing again just a few seconds later, like nothing had happened. Concussion and all. Man, I love Korea some times. Now, if you want a really good taste of how much fun Korea can be on a Saturday night (or sometimes a Tuesday afternoon), check out this site, dedicated to the Korean blackout/sleeping in public phenomenon.

http://blackoutkorea.com/

Now for the actual trip. Made it to Japan without any delay or difficulties. Honestly, I was probably annoyed that the flight to Nagoya was so short, as I barely got started into my book before we were landing. Once on the ground, things got more difficult, as I had to find my way to Collin’s town, and I already knew that Japan doesn’t do English all that much. I found my way to the commuter train no problem, but whether it was the correct train, who knows. I knew which city I wanted to go to (Gifu), but I couldn’t be super positive. I debated whether to hop on the waiting train, not knowing how long I would have to wait if I missed it. I thought I heard some announcement say something about Gifu and I thought I saw the screen read “Gifu” in English for a split second, so I went with it. Turns out I was right. The 45 min train ride from airport to Gifu was interesting as I got to see the Japan that exists outside of Tokyo. For a country as famously crowded as Japan is, I was shocked to see so many towns resemble the US, with their individual homes and small two story housing complexes, as opposed to massive 10 or more floor apartment structures that line the Korean skyline. In time, I arrived at Gifu station and set to waiting for Mr. Stecker. While waiting I noticed something I hadn’t seen since I left the US: bicycles. Lots of ‘em. They simply don’t exist in Korea, as they are neither expensive or luxurious enough to be used as a status symbol, they require physical exertion (observation tells me that most Koreans don’t generally like this), and they don’t get you where you want to go fast enough (always in a hurry here). At least that’s what I think. Anyways, Collin soon arrived to break me from my bike revelry and then there was much rejoicing (and spooning, but more on that later…). With the clueless tourist in tow, Collin then lead the way back to his home, Ogaki. By the time we reached Collin’s town, it was time for dinner, so off to the mall down the street. Dinner at the mall??? I must be back in the States. “Hey Wallin…that’s a Korean restaurant. You wanna eat there?.....I’m just shitting with ya man, of course we don’t wanna eat there.” (followed with high fives). Ohhh Collin, how I missed you. Can’t wait for you to get to Korea next week. Korea hate in Korea? Can’t beat it. After dinner, we headed over to Collin’s friends place to steal his internet and Skype with Maria. Maria made fun of my awful haircut, Collin and I made fun of Maria for living in the dump that is Baltimore, and Collin made fun of Maria and I for being lesser beings than himself. Business as usual.

On Wednesday, once Collin was off to work and I was finished comparing his apartment to mine in Korea, I set off to wander around town. Collin worked about 5-7 minutes away by bike, so I figured I'd find my way up there eventually, but first I had to inspect his apartment. Compared to many Korean apartments and especially mine from the previous year, it was very nice. Namely because it was an actual apartment and not a shitty efficiency. Kitchen, bathroom and 3 bedrooms. It was old sure, but it made up for that by being super Japanese, sliding paper doors and all. Course, I'm glad I have more solid walls in my apartment, as I leaned too hard against Collin's friends wall the night before and was sure I was gonna tear through the thing. Rar! Wallin smash!! The apartment also featured a nice little balcony that allowed for very good ventilation in the summer (and apparently also makes for very, very cold winters). The major downside? The bathroom. The toilet was actually a squat toilet with a sit down converter. Nice? And the shower, well since the apartment was made for Japanese 50 years ago or something, naturally it was much too small. Also kind of unstable. But who doesn't like a little danger and suspense with their showers. Not I.

Inspection complete, I headed off to see the town. There wasn't a huge amount to see, as Ogaki is just a small, quiet little 100,000 person town. Again, I was shocked at the difference between Korea, as I expected Ogaki to be very small in area and just built straight up. Not so. It felt just like a small US town, with everything spread out and very well planned and generally much cozier and nicer than Korean towns. Hell, they even a US-style mall complex complete with sprawling American-style parking lot (I have never seen a parking lot in Korea....you just kinda park anywhere....see what I mean about the whole planning thing), 24 hour grocery store, arcade/bowling alley, dollar store, electronics store, and bedding store. After stumbling upon some really intriguing stores (a Brazilian grocery store??? why can't Korea have one of those....ohhhh right, cuz Korea hates foreigners), I found my way to historic Ogaki castle. I didn't really pay much attention to the history. Some warlord stayed there or kept one of his mistresses there or something. Either way it was a cool complex. The accompanying park was interesting, as I stopped to watch a group of old timers squabbling over their croquet game. They took it pretty seriously. For lunch I headed over to Collin's mall. Naturally, I was a little worried, as I speak no Japanese and English didn't seem to be that common here for the most part. Eventually, I summoned up the courage to approach the curry restaurant at the food court and found out that the employee working was.....AN INDIAN GUY???? What????? Where did he come from??? Despite my confusion, he was easily able to take my order in English. Crisis averted. I don't know Japan's policy on foreign workers, but I guess I just assumed it was like Koreas, where foreigners could never, ever get a food service job. Foreigners from English speaking countries (preferably gorgeous white skinned ones, if you please) teach English, that's it. Foreigners from Southeast Asia (Philippines, Vietnam, Bangladesh, etc) do nasty, dirty, work that no Korean would possibly do.

Well, I wandered around for a bit more after lunch before meeting up with Collin at his work. From there we wandered around some more (noticing a common trend?), grabbed some dinner, then headed off to the bowling alley for some wholesome fun. The bowling alley was remarkable. Undoubtedly the cleanest I had ever seen. I've always wondered what a bowling alley would be without overweight, nasty, beer-guzzling, chain smoking customers. The answer? Heavenly. No strange smells, no tobacco stains on stuff, no nothing. I don't remember who won in bowling, but I'll just assume that I lost (as that's usually the case). The highlight was the video screens that announced our achievements. In true Japanese, nonsensical, seizure inducing, Katamari Damacy fashion, the screens to announce strikes, spares, splits, and gutterballs featured many, many dancing (and maybe crying, if I remember correctly) dogs, cats, babies and of course, rainbow colors.

Tune in soon for the conclusion of my Japanese adventures featuring Lauren, Japanese school children, and alcohol. Not all at the same time, you dirty minded bastards. Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeo8GpuyG2g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISgFrqke5Oo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISgFrqke5Oo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvA2EqCc_gc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9Puu0SW6vo
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuXSQhLXYgU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wawKKrsjrV4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aqwo0PltoYg

Pics: See album "The vacation that never actually happened"