July 20th or Where were you when He was born?

Yeah, that's right. I'm arrogant enough to actually capitalize "He". Deal with it. But yes, my date of birth has come and gone yet again, to considerable acclaim, as you would expect. Don't worry too much if you forgot about it, hell I nearly forgot about it. It was that normal. Not bad, not good, just normal.

My "special day" unrolled in a manner closely approximating the following depiction. Summer camp began on the 20th (Happy Birthday to me!!!....groan) and on this first day I decided to play Jeopardy with the kids because I love useless trivia and proving to myself that I'm more intelligent than everyone else because I know said useless knowledge. As I expected, Korean children are just as clueless about geography and finding places on a map as American kids, so that's a relief to me, who thought that just Americans were dumb. Nope, people are dumb all over. Course, that may be a bit harsh as these are just middle school students, whereas Jay Leno has proven for years that Americans of voting age (sigh) have no idea where our Congress is. The kids knocked it out of the park on the Korean Pop Stars, Korea and Soccer sections, as I predicted. At least they are learning something in school. I was originally very hesitant about the camps, as I usually get stuck with the lowest level kids that have no desire to do anything or listen to me. Was I in for a shock when I found out that 3 out of my 4 classes are composed of my favorite high level students. Maybe there is a God after all. Ohh, and my classes are 7 students, 6 students, 4, and 4. Poor Anna with her 40 strong camp classes. You have my prayers. I was allowed to go home early, as I had a doctor's appointment to look at my ear. Ever since I got back from Busan 2 weeks ago, my ears have been bothering me, presumably from sand or something that got in there and led to an infection. The doctor had a looksie and found out that the problem was in fact, impacted ear wax and other garbage (you know, cigarette butts, big mac wrappers, used condoms, etc) that had wedged itself deep down in the ear. Easily removed problem. I can honestly say I understand how Superman felt when he developed his super hearing, that initial shock of going from hearing almost nothing to hearing...everything. I have no idea how many years worth of junk was cleaned out, but the difference was large, to say the least. That elderly woman who fell down her stairs and can't get up to call the police in Turkey? Yeah, I heard her poor, sad, futile cries for help. Those beavers having sex up in the Canadian wilderness? Yep, heard 'em loud and clear, unfortunately. And with the eclipse going on today, the rest of my powers are bound to manifest any day now (a la Heroes). I hope I get some cool powers like flight or invincibility or something. I don't think I could live with myself if I ended up as a male Jubilee. Man, she sucks.

Anyways, the rest of my evening consisted of me going home and enjoying a really, really, really quiet and slow evening in the apartment. Read my book? Check. Listened to David Cross rant about rednecks, stupid people and religious nuts? Check. Fucked around on the guitar? Check. Watched some inane Korean television shows cuz I like pain? Check. Nothing crazy, but I don't think I would mind having a lot more birthdays like that. There's still plenty of time for me to have those birthdays with the enormous cake that a male stripper jumps out of (did I say male, err, aaaa, I meant female, yeah.....boobs, breasts, beer, football, guns, violence. Nice save Eric, nice save.)

The other event of note was I had my interview with SMOE and surprise, surprise, I didn't say anything ridiculously stupid. Honest. When asked about my teaching methodology, I didn't respond "Methodology? Hell I just do whatever to get the little bastards to shut the hell up so I can tend to my hangover headache." I swear to a deity of your choice, I didn't say that stuff. Though, they did throw a surprising question in there to trip us up. "Do you like to go to clubs and go clubbing in Hongdae?" "Awww, hellz yeah. Fuck those fine Korean bitches that are grinding up on everybody there are just so, so easy. How can you say no to that? Plus, they have apartments nearby, so I don't have to do much walking, as I'm way too fucked up to stand on my own.....ohhhh, wait, you got my interviewer lady, well done. Well done." My actual answer was something like, I don't dance, when I do, babies die, I don't like loud music, I don't drink much, and yes, I am an 80 year old grandmother. Overall, I have to give a lot of credit to the interviewer and to SMOE for choosing this woman as the interviewer. Her English was incredible, she was super friendly and easy to talk to, took all the pressure out of the interview process, and she knew who Vladimir Nabokov and Salman Rushdie were. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love (sigh). Although I think she tried to trip me up again when Vladimir Nabokov came up. "Wasn't he the writer who made 'Lolita'? What did you think of that book?" "Frankly, I loved it as someone finally understood just how hard it is to say no to those little 12 year olds when they are playing with their Barbies or drinking a juice box or something. God, what little vixens....ohhh, you got me again interviewer woman, you are good, you are good." With the interview over, I now have to focus on all the paperwork, which includes trying to get a bunch of bureaucratic stamps and such that may be impossible to get outside of the States, trying to sign a contract before I head to the Philippines for 2 weeks (when the paperwork will presumably arrive), and getting a criminal background check from the local Korean police. I don't even know how you go about the last one. "Criminal Background Check jusaeyo (Korean for 'please give me')?"

The weekend was pretty slow, as the group got together for drinks to say goodbye to Amy before she headed home for several weeks. There was eating, there was drinking, there was insulting of Amy. Same old, same old. We tried a new area, the City Hall, downtown area, as it was close to Amy's cheap hotel for the night (and ultimately my home for the evening, as when I finally stopped drinking and settled in for the night, I had missed the last train by, oohhhh, 5 hours or so). Nuts. We managed to find one of the biggest Western style chain bars, that, wonder of all wonders, serves beers not from Korea (a.k.a. good beer). Indian beers, Philippino beers, Mexican Beers, American beers, German beers. A veritable adult candy store. The next morning I rolled out of bed at the crack of noon, as the hotel owner insisted everyone check out by noon. Since I was already in town, I headed off to do some shopping round the big retail areas. Never again. I thought I had the fortitude to withstand the inanity and commercialism in Myeongdong by myself but I was wrong. One lap through and my head was spinning and I was calling for reinforcments. "Wait, you are actually buying a product to whiten your skin? Aren't you already opaque? You can't get any more white unless you go translucent. Wait, that [insert clothing article] costs how much? But its only a half a shirt/skirt/etc, shouldn't it cost half a full shirt/skirt/etc's price? Wait, why do you need that? Seriously, what possible use could you have for that shit?" BOOOOM. The last part was my head exploding. Now normally I would criticize females, as in the states that are the primary offenders at malls and such, but since Korea is striving to eliminate the genders and just create some androgynous meta species, men are just as much to fault here. I just don't get it. And I don't think I ever will.