Down Home Country Living....ya'll

Another week has come and gone and wouldn't you know, shit actually happened. Life never ceases to amaze me.

First off, I finally got confirmation of a SMOE interview. After all the months of waiting and cussing and waiting some more, I have an interview date: July 21st. If you were keeping track, I started the application process some time in April. Yeah, a fuck ton long time ago. Screwed up the first application back in April, started the second one at the start of May, waited till the middle of June on references to come in, had the recruiter lose one of the references, then once shit was squared away, waited another 2 weeks to hear from SMOE. The very definition of prompt, if I do say so. But the wait is over, and in little less than a week I get to show off my pretty white face. Course, this means that I once again have to steel myself to keep from saying anything stupid or incriminating (see every other interview...ever). But I think I'll be okay. The guidelines and suggestions from the recruiter on how to conduct myself during the interview were terribly thorough, but amusing as it felt to me like rules to follow when dealing with wild animals. "SMOE is a very proud and confident creature, do not belittle or insult it. Remember you are in its den, so please show respect and reverence. Do not ever look SMOE directly in eye. Do not approach or attempt to pet/touch SMOE unless it has given permission to do so. And most importantly, do not feed SMOE, as it survives on a very specific diet." But, if I am being interviewed by some manner of bear or wild beast, I should be okay, as I seem to get along with them much better anyways.

Secondly, I gots vacation coming up. Yes, all three weeks of it. In a little over 2 weeks, I'll be hopping a plane to the Philippines to sit on the beach, swim, and some other stuff that I haven't planned yet. 2 whole weeks to spend there and I haven't really planned a thing yet. Jamie and I figured we would would just play it by ear, cuz we are two wild and spontaneous and free-spirited dudes and that's how we roll. Jamie has started talking about Philippinas with considerable excitement. I'm not sure his intentions with them, but I assume it has something to do with them being able to speak English, so he can finally talk to someone about the riots in China and the presidential mess in Honduras. I'm a little worried cuz that means I might have to talk to girls....ewwwwwww. And as soon as I get back from the Philippines, I'll probably be hopping a plane the next day to Japan to visit Collin and Lauren and hopefully sight see around the parts of Japan that aren't Tokyo. Swine Flu has complicated the whole mess, as its suddenly broken out in big numbers recently here in Korea. That has confounded the general populace as Koreans eat plenty of kimchi, which protected them from bird flu several years back (I shit you not, people actually believe that shit), so it stands to reason that they would be impervious to swine flu as well. But, ahhhhh, kimchi is too spicy for foreigners, so they aren't immune, that's where its getting in. And with summer vacation on the horizon, the foreign teachers will getting the fuck out (can't blame them) and naturally bringing back the disease. To protect the kiddies from the germs, the Ministry of Education is recommending that all teachers returning from abroad sequester themselves away from the kids for a week after arrival back in the country to ensure that they aren't infected. Logical and safe procedure, no problems there. Unfortunately, the our Korean co-teachers have taken this as reason enough to force us to move around/cancel our vacations, which they cannot legally do, obviously. Already I've heard stories of schools not allowing their teachers to go on vacations, as the additional 7 days of home quarantine would interfere with the schools plans, so tough titties on the foreign teacher. My school asked about this and I simply "forget" to tell my school that I'd be going to Japan and returning the day before classes start. I'm gonna handle the whole thing like I do any illness: if I get sick, I shall stay away from the school to avoid possibly infecting other people. Common sense, cept that policy doesn't apply in Korea, except for swine flu. Maybe this whole scare will get Korea to look at how they the idea of sick days (non existent) and illness prevention. I can hope at least.

As for this past weekends fun, I headed out to Amy's place in the country country for some good ol' country fun, like cow tipping, getting hammered on homemade moonshine and stuff. Our hoedown began with lunch at one of the town's restaurants. The food was delicious and the owners were friends of sorts, as their grandaughter studied abroad for a year in, get this, West Bend (why West Bend, I have no idea), so naturally, she has gotten to be good friends with Amy. You know you're in the country when the menu for the restaurant consists of 2, count 'em, 2 choices. Normally the menu has a whopping 5-7 things plus drinks. From there, it was on to the town's gorgeous park/sports complex. Now, what really irks me is that Amy's metropolis of maybe a couple hundred folks (if you add in farm animals) has several tennis courts, a nice blacktop basketball court, some badminton courts, and a mouthwatering artificial soccer field, while my town, the freaking capital city of the goddamn county, has only dirt soccer fields. Sure, we have all the tennis courts and badminton and basketball courts, but really nobody cares about those sports. Since nobody ever uses the field (I mean seriously, who is gonna use it? The cows? The old ladies when they're not tending their rice paddies?), I made sure to get my money's worth. Even when the rest of the group had finished playing and were relaxing/socializing/enjoying each others company, I kept playing, with myself (hey, don't judge me). Soccer or human interaction? No brainer, really. God, I miss soccer and grass, or in this case grass substitute. Once I had finished my business it was time for dinner. With the help of Amy's landlords and some Korean accomplices, we grilled up some grub the way it oughta be: no frills, no side dishes, just beef and stuff to dip/dunk/slather on said beef. Our Korean company naturally suggested the noraebang afterwards, so a caroling we a went. Highlights included: us realizing we know way too many of the lyrics to way too many shitty Korean pop songs, the Koreans delivering with some English pop songs (always amusing when people who can barely converse with you manage to knock an English song out of the park), and Mr. Jamie Jackson attempting to sing the Bee Gees in his closest approximation to a falsetto (Ouch). After the singing, we all crashed, being the said excuses for UW grads that we are. Started drinking at 5-6ish and in bed asleep by midnight. Sad. Sunday morning brought adventure, as we had to somehow get to the train station, a 45 minute walk away, in torrential rain. Now in the States, you could just wait it out, and you'd be good in a hour or so. Not so in We attempted to call the taxi, but he hung up on us twice. We called in some backup from Korean allies and they relayed to us that the taxi man already had 2 pickups scheduled for that time and that he didn't know how to tell us that, so he just hung up. Swell. We decided on the bus instead, so we slowly moved towards the bus stop, one organic mass of flesh and umbrella (we were a few umbrellas short). What we didn't know is that no bus was coming today, a Sunday. Lucky for us, a generous man driving by offered us a ride and we arrived to the train station, more or less dry.

The rain though, all I can is "ugggggggg". I know that right now is technically the rainy season and I've been warned to bring an umbrella to school every day, but geez the amount of water that has fallen from the sky has still amazed me. Thursday and Sunday saw entire days of torrential rain, I kid you not. No periods of sprinkling between downpours, no eye of the storm, nothing. Just massive droplets falling all day long. As a result, the roads and my town overall are under water. The Han has swallowed up any and all parks and running paths along its banks. I find the whole thing pretty ironic, as Yangpyeong's slogan is "Clear water Yangpyeong", cept the Han is anything but clear at present with all the mud, dirt, soot, grime, and shit that the river picked up off its banks. Korea's national slogan, "Sparkling Korea" isn't holding up so well either. Ooooops.

'Da Beers, 'Da Beach, and 'Da Open Lesson.....I tried

Hope I didn't alarm anybody by not posting on a Monday, as per usual (obviously I'm being sarcastic as I know that nobody follows my ramblings closely enough to even notice that I missed a posting). Nothing wrong, I just wanted to include the open lesson from Tuesday in the post and I really fucking didn't write on Monday. Now, to hop right into it.

First off, we had the long awaited return to Busan. The whole group had been siked for some time now, as it was nearly everybody's first trip down South. It was my second, but with people actually on the beach this time, it felt all new again. We started our journey late Friday night by catching the KTX out of Seoul at 9pm, putting us in at Busan around midnight. We were all excited for Jethro to take the speedy KTX train, as he had been literally creaming his jeans about this fucker for months now. "Eric, what was the KTX like?" "Ummm, it was like a freakin' train, you know, with seats and cars and tracks and stuff." "Eric, did you know the train was designed by French engineers? Did you know that it gets going over 180 mph? Did you know.....? Did you know....?" Now that the time was upon us, what was Jethro's reaction? "Ohhhh, its just like the other train. That's not very exciting." Thud. Thud. Thud (my face hitting the table). Duh. Uneventful train ride behind us, we were in Busan and ready to hit the town. But first, to our hotel. I suggested we head to Haeundae, the biggest and most popular beach, so off we headed to the subway, which supposedly doesn't close till 12:45, a full hour after our arrival. 'Cept it was closed already. Korea lies, we're used to it. Cabbie it is then. We hopped in the cab and headed to Haeundae, but our cabbies being the cool old dudes they were, suggested we try the smaller and more out of the way Songjeong Beach, as Haeundae is really full this time of year. Those guys turned out to be geniuses. Plus, our guy, after he found out that Chris could speak Korean, began pointing out all the landmarks and stuff during our drive. This started the whole Jethro diva shit that lasted for the whole weekend. After being informed of an enormous new mall, Jethro suggested that we go there tomorrow for something to do. Chris and I naturally disagreed, as we were in Busan to do the stuff that only Busan had to offer: namely beaches and not shit that we could have done back in Seoul. See, Jethro and I/everyone else in our group think quite differently. Take our desired travel destinations while in Korea. Me: Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, India (countryside). Jethro: Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, China (only to Bejiing). See the trend. He's not much of an outdoorsman.

Beachtime. We arrived at our beach and naturally had to find a hotel. How did we chose? We went with the one that had lights on all the balconies, naturally. Songjeong turned out to be perfect for us. Much more quiet than Haeundae, less people and the accommodations were much cheaper. Hell, we paid 60,000 for a room on Friday and 80,000 on Saturday (split between 3 people) for a room with a balcony a stones throw from the beach (literally it was hotel, street, then beach), whereas I paid 50,000 for a hotel in Haeundae in January that was 10 minutes from the beach. Shit settled, we set out to explore the beach and to grab some beers and blow some stuff up, as it was July 4 (not saying we wouldn't have done it on any other day, but still). There were several shriveled old ladies selling roman candles, so we heartily partook. Couple that with ample amounts of booze from the convenience stores and a beach nearly all to ourselves, and we were able to easily occupy ourselves until the wee hours of the morning. The drunken conversation turned (as it always does) to sex and I learned two things: 1) I know practically nothing about the subject and thus am useless in such conversations 2) Chris is an experienced and wise sage in such matters and I should listen to him.

The next day the group got up bright and early at the crack of 11am and headed for breakfast (which was a struggle to find) and then onto the beach. This was my first experience with beaches and beachgoers in Korea, so it was a learning experience. For starters, I felt like the most tan man on the beach, as the majority of the Koreans, despite being out in the sun, where badly trying to avoid "being out in the sun". Sunbathers? Hahah, yeah right. That would ruin their perfectly ghost white complexions. What about if you are swimming, you gotta take off some layers for that right? Wrong. The majority of the beach dwellers, if they actually left the shaded safety of their beach umbrella, hit the waves in shirts and such. Hell, we felt naked comparatively, in just our bathing suits. The ocean was cold and salty, as to be expected. The latter point was forgotten by me, only to be brought back ohh so quickly after my first gulp of sea water. Our group was content to just sit on the beach all weekend, but Jethro was not, thus the drama. He obviously wasn't enjoying himself the previous evening, being no fan of alcohol or beaches (apparently), and with no intention of that changing anytime soon. As a diva is want to do, he let us know that he wanted to do something else and made us all guilty for enjoying ourselves. I especially felt guilty because I had pushed for him to come, as he had yet to visit anywhere in Korea not named Seoul. My guilt quickly changed to anger, as he seemed to write off the beach as soon as we stepped out of the taxi and decided to stay around the beach and mope on Saturday, rather than head to the mall or whatever he wanted to do. In the end, I think he enjoyed himself, but he annoyed the crap out of everybody else.

Once we were sated with our sun and fun, we decided to head to Haeundae Beach to see what all the fuss was about. It was as advertised: busy and crawling with sketchy GIs....tasty. We wandered in and around the beach for the remainder of the day, grabbing lunch at a hole-in-the-wall (literally, as I could probably have touched wall to wall with my wingspan) restaurant for seafood, then on to the ritzy high rises in the area, where we were approached by a drunk middle-aged business man who wanted to drink with us (just another day in the life), before settling into the Madison Terrace-esque outdoor seating area for more drinks. From there it was back to the hotel room to prepare for our early exit on Sunday morning, as Chris had to be back to Seoul by 10am, meaning a 6am wake up call for us....groan. Not much else to report as we were only in Busan for little over a day and we never really left our beach area. Sit, sun, drink, chat, repeat. Nothing overly exciting, but damn satisfying.

As for the dreaded open lesson, well it ended up being even more of a waste of time than expected. All this preparation and paperwork would make a little bit of sense if there was a huge number of other teachers and administrators coming from all over the district. The actual number of guests in attendance? 0, at least from outside our school. Our principal did honor us with our presence, all though he wandered in a minute or two late (the walk from downstairs is a real hum-dinger), as well as the music teacher and science teacher. The dreaded and sometimes ridiculous Q an A session that follows the lessons didn't materialize, obviously, but I wasn't disappointed. I was sad that the co-teach got off the hook, as the principal and other teachers had no problem with her using plenty of Korean in the classroom, while outside administrators would have taken her to task for it. Whatever, I got to run the class and the kids liked the lesson and responded well to it, probably cuz I taught them a new way to make fun of each other, then gave them class time to practice insulting each other (we covered comparatives, ex. he is uglier than me, using -er or "more", so the opportunities for mockery were ripe). My odd ball kid had the most colorful comparative, when he, after being told he is more hideous than all the other students, fired back with "you are shittier than me." Instant win. Now part of me wants to stop him from using bad English words (his most common english words are now "fuck" "god damnit" "son of a bitch" and "shit"), but another part of me realizes he is on the right track towards something I like to call authentic English. Though I'm not sure it's ready to be included into the official ESL canon. Not just yet.

Procrastination goes global

Now, don't jump to conclusions here folks. I know I have a serious track record with procrastination, but in this instance it had nothing to do with me. What I refer to is, of course, my open lesson, which was supposed to take place last Friday, but was delayed because, for lack of a better answer, my co-teacher is a lazy cunt. The details are now to follow.

Obviously I wrote all about the tirade from Monday in my last post. So naturally I rolled into school on Tuesday expecting more shouting and dirty filthy lies, but nothing of the sort transpired. She didn't say a word to me about the lesson until very late in the day when she asked if it was done and when I said it wasn't, she asked if it would be done by Wednesday and that was that. I don't get it. If time was so of the essence yesterday, why is everything so laid back today???? I'm assuming most jobs are like this, but it still feels like some crazy shit out of the Animal Kingdom, where she is just asserting her dominance and laying out her territory, then backing off once roles have been affirmed and such. Frustrating. Anyways, Wednesday rolls around and I'm done, the lesson is ready. Thursday is supposed to be a practice run through then Friday is the real thing. So I thought. The co-teacher pulls me aside sometime Wednesday to explain that we need more time and would it be okay if we push it back several weeks. I agree, even though I'm ready to get this joke of a class out of the way. Reason given for the delay: we didn't get the paper lesson plan out a week in advance (solely her fault as she told me jack shit about it beforehand), and that most teachers will be busy with finals and won't be able to attend. REAL reason for the delay: It had fallen to the co-teacher to actually do some work (as I had finished everything that had been asked of me) and she simply couldn't get it done in time. As far as I've heard, all she is going to be doing is a stupid survey of the students and their feelings toward English. Yep, that right. Final tally: Eric does all the brainstorming, finds all the outside materials for the lesson, constructs it, then creates the worksheets and lesson plan, while the co-teacher does a survey (which as far as I know, is still waiting to be accomplished). Sounds pretty even to me.

At least I'm not alone in thinking she's a knob. Tuesday night I was driven home by one of the other teachers from school and they talked, as best as they could, about how much they disliked my co-teach. This teacher had gotten into a nasty argument with her for about an hour earlier in the semester, which was trumped by my scuffle by an additional hour. I had no idea I had wasted that much time trying to speak to this woman. Anyways, the teacher explained that she usually does this whole passing off of all her work to underlings thing. But we spent the rest of the time talking about how she is a bulldog, in appearance and demeanor. Good to know I'm not alone in my feelings on this matter. She really is a douchebag, no matter what language you speak.

Of course, my contract is drawing to a close and this means ass-kissing on her part to convince me to stay. It just so happens that this ass to mouth exchange coincided quite nicely with our dispute. Monday: "Eric, why don't you do any work? You are always listening to music and never working!!" Wednesday: "Eric, could you please stay another year? We would really love for you to stay another year. Please say yes." Funny shit. Course, as usual, she tried her underhanded guilt trip shit to try and get me to stay. "Ohhh Eric, the students really, really like you. They would be really sad if you left." True obviously, but on a major decision that involves the direction in which my life goes for another year, there is only one person whose feelings I regard and he's a tall, gangly motherfucker from northeast Wisconsin. I'm obviously talking about Brian Butch, former center for the Badgers. And Butch told me to drop this school like its hot. Butch is a pretty fly mofo. So when Butch talks, I listen. When I spilled the news today, the co-teacher responded by saying "But what about all your friends here?". I responded by explaining that I have friends in South America and China and Japan,etc so I want to see them too. Her response: "Ohhh, you have a lot of friends." Hahahah. Yeah, well, I'm kind of a big deal on a global scale now. I just wish the woman would come at me professionally with these proposals, rather than going underhanded and trying to prey on my emotions and my good nature. In case you were curious, I explained that my reason for leaving is that I want to see the world and I can't possibly stay in one place for more than a year. I didn't explain the exact reasons why I can't possibly stay in Yangpyeong for another year, as a few would have directly involved her.

Not really anything crazy happened this weekend, just another trip to the blues club, where we gutted it out till closing and were rewarded with a round of tequila shots from the owner/guitarist and our choice of final songs (Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray). Entertaining, but not really anything too story worthy. Instead I'll focus on my amusing students, since they've been absent from posts for a while. The Japanese hating kid had a really on week as far as comedy goes. His crowning moment was when he slunk (no lie, he doesn't walk most of the time, just slinks) into the teacher's office and handed me a note that read, "I'm dying for a piece of candy. Please save my life." I about fell out of my seat when I read it. The candy in question was not really candy, but vitamin c drops, but he didn't care. He's also taken to cussing almost all the time, in English or Korean. Today, because he asked and I'm a bad influence, I taught him "chinga" and "hija de puta", which are Spanish equivalents of "Fuck" and "son of a bitch". I like to think of it as opening an impressionable mind to the wonders and beauty of other cultures. No need to thank me, just doing my part.

And so ends another week. This week looks to be quite slow, as finals take place Wednesday through Friday. The trip to Busan is on for this weekend, so look forward to exciting tales of sun and fun for next week. Until next time.

The Countdown Begins.....

Yep, only 5 days and counting till my open lesson. Since that will undoubtedly be the brunt of this piece, I'm pushing any discussion of the open lesson to the rear for the time being, as there are other things to discuss (yeah, I can't believe it either) and I want to get them out of the way before they get swallowed up by the rage and venom that will more than likely flow during the open lesson rant.

First on the docket is the weekend's plans. My misadventures started early this week as I found myself on Seoul for Friday night as well. One of the members from capoeira was leaving us forever and we wanted to send her off bruised and broken as is tradition. Sure somebody was leaving, tear, tear, ohhh I'm never gonna see you again, but honestly I was in it for the roda. Don't mean to be harsh, but I really didn't know the girl that well, plus I'm a selfish prick anyways, so how much compassion can I be expected to have? Anyways, the entire class was a roda, which made happy in ohhh so many places, including some places that shall not be mentioned for the sake of decency. So given my already "excited" state, you can't fault me for "going off" when I found out we were actually gonna fucking string up the berimbaus. Yeah, that's right, 5 months of training in, and I finally get to touch a strung up stick. Bout damn time. I was surprised that I could still hold the thing at all, let alone actually hit some notes. Course, my hand was numb after only 10 min, but still. After class we went out for dinner and hit the bottle pretty hard. Well, some of us did. I still had to go home. Although our instructor did get a little weird and gave one of those "I love you man, you're like the bestest bro I've got, man" speeches to one of the foreigner guys in the group. AWWWWWWkward, at least for me. If I ever saw Carlos do the same thing, I'd probably poop myself. Round 11pm I had to part from the group to catch the train back home. The plan was take the last subway train to Guksu, which is near home, then catch a 8 or 9 buck cab home. Cept sometimes shit don't work out like it should.

First, I got held up in the subway station, as several of the stairs that I had to take were completely roped off and some of the escalators were shut down. I delayed for a bit in trying to find another way around, failed, then just said to hell with it and went down the stairs. Got yelled at, but I didn't care as I had nowhere else to go. With that delay and bad luck with subway cars, I missed the last subway to Guksu and had to settle for the train to Deokso and an even more expensive cab ride. Well, once I arrived in Deokso, I naturally set out for an ATM, as I didn't have the cash to pay for the cab home. Cept, Korea apparently doesn't do 24 hour ATMs. Nearly all of the banks were completely closed and the few that still had accessible ATMs still wouldn't take my money. Hell, even the ATMs at the 24 convenience stores wouldn't take my card. I originally feared that my debit card was bad, but it was just that the ATMs shut down. I feel bad for the Deokso businessman that needs some "attention" from noraebang girls at 3 or 4 in the morning and didn't bring enough cash. Maybe next time Mr. Kim. For those of you that don't know Korea, high class noraebangs (karaoke rooms) have girls on staff that cater to your every whim, if you pay enough. Prostitution isn't as visible as back in the States, but it is most certainly here. But that's another subject all together.

Well, with no machines taking my card, I had to settle for a love motel after 45 min pacing the city in vain. The card reader there didn't take my card the first time, so for about 2 minutes I was about to lose it as I was stranded in a unknown Korean town with absolutely no cash. Thankfully the reader had no problems the second time. Sometime around noon on Saturday, I finally arrived home. Course, I left 3 hours later for my usual Saturday rendezvous with the crew. We headed to the theaters to catch Transformers, as the theater website said it was in, even though it supposedly doesn't premiere till next week. We got to the theater all geared up to see some robots in disguise only to find out that they are playing Transformers 1....the first Michael Bay flick. We were shocked as we had never seen anything like this. Playing a 2 year old movie on the big screens? Really? Who is gonna pay to see that? We settled for Terminator and we weren't disappointed, at least for explosions and mindless action. I left the flick with massive head pains, though I'm not sure if that's from all the story aspects that made no sense or if it was the fact that we were stuck in the front row and my ears were blown out and my retinas permanently scarred. Still not sure, even today. I should have learned my lesson after "300".....the front row hurts.

To recover from the flick we chose, as per our physicians orders, heavy consumption of alcohol and staying out all night (yeah, I know, he's not a very good doctor). After months away, we were back in Hongdae. Not much had changed. Still alot of inebriated young folks doing occasionally strange things. The evening was terribly interesting, as there was plenty of inter-group drama as it appeared that almost everyone was gonna pair up with someone else in the group. It was like the high school I never had, with back hallway conversations about who liked who and so on. Amusing for a night, but would have sucked if I did that for 4 years. In case you needed clarification, by "almost everyone" I obviously meant everybody besides me. Though I doubt you needed to have that clarified.

Okay, readers, I need your advice on the subject of man points. You know, the points handed out to dudes when they do something manly, you know, like killing something or drinking lots of beers. Anyways, I've been having mine taken away recently and I wanted to get some opinions on whether my offenses were worthy of man point revocation. Among other things (like skipping through the subway terminal....that one probably was deserving of the point loss), was the high five. I implore you to find something unmanly about slamming a high five with your bro whenever you drop a mean diss, do something rad, or just for simply existing (i gave a lot of high fives). Insulted, I attempted a even more manly display of brotherly congratulation, the chest bump. Our attempt went astray when we nearly decapitated some poor Korean chick with our flailing arms. Desperate to stem the loss of points, I turned to the most manly of manly congratulations: the ass slap. I mean, c'mon, they use that in football games and it doesn't get manlier than that. Maybe I could have chosen a better location than the middle of a subway car. Maybe it would have been better if Chris didn't think I was joking. Perhaps.

Now, on to the meat of the article: the open lesson. To give you the brief background going into today, here's the timeline. About a month to a month and a half ago, the co-teacher came to me and said, "Eric we have an open lesson on June 26th and YOU need to prepare a lesson plan for it." Last Friday, she asked me how the planning was going and I told her that I was working on the powerpoint, I told her that it was on a previously covered chapter in the book, and that I "hope to have it done by Monday". Remember that, folks, it will come back. For those that don't know, an open lesson is another joke of a Korean education system activity. Basically, you and co-teacher teach a class with many principals, district peeps, and other teaching pairs from around the area. Okay in principle, cept there is an unnecessarily high amount of paperwork and effort, way beyond what would be possible for any normal class, and worst of all, everything is practiced and memorized (even the students have answers prepared), so its more play than actual class. A joke, yeah, but a joke that must be lived through.

Cue today. It's after lunch and I'm working on the lesson plans for the morning's classes as well as for my after school classes for the next day, before jumping back into the open lesson prep. Suddenly, the co-teacher rolls her chair over and asks if I had finished the open lesson stuff. I calmly told her no, I hadn't finished it yet and then the shit began. She immediately got upset and wondered why I was working on other stuff if it wasn't done. I told her that I still lesson prep stuff to do for my classes that day as well as prepping for the after school classes for tuesday, wed, and thurs. I explained to her that I had other work to do for classes that would be taking place before Friday, the day of the open class, and as such, they take precedence. She strongly disagreed, so I guess I'm just supposed to blow off all my other classes for this one class. Cept I'm not gonna do that. Once we cleared the hurdle of my other work, we moved on to the fact that I'm not finished yet. She claimed that I told her on Friday that I would be 100% finished on Monday, how could I not be done? I told her that what I actually said was "I hope to have it done by Monday", which is something completely different. There was arguing for some time, which consisted of basically, "you said", "no, I didn't", "yes you did", and so on. Really petty and such a waste of time I know. Eventually, she dropped the case as she realized she was full of shit and I wasn't gonna take the blame for something I didn't do. Next, we moved onto to accusing me of being lazy, since I spend all my time listening to music and dinking on the internet, and that it should be done by now, if not for my bad time management. Now, granted, I'm clearly not one of those people that is nose to the grindstone all the time and I do spend a good deal of time on non-school related things. But if you know anything about my co-teacher or most Korean teachers, then you know that that comment is probably the most hypocritical thing anyone could ever say. Period. Those insults over with, she moved on to criticizing my subject material, as I chose a topic from a previously covered chapter. Not like it really matters, as these things are all for show anyways, and I wanted to make the best lesson possible, so I chose a topic I liked and didn't use the book at all.

Now, her criticism here is funny, as this woman with years of teaching experience in Korea, years of doing and observing open lessons, and just general knowledge of how this shit works, tells a teacher with less than one year true experience, no knowledge of how open lessons are supposed to go (I haven't even observed one) to make a lesson plan all by himself, with no support, and then has the gall to criticize his approach, his subject, etc. You could have lifted a finger too, as you are supposedly qualified to teach as well. Technically, I could have asked her if I had questions, but they wouldn't have gotten answered (as I've already learned) and there are technically no rules for the open lessons, so I just ran with it. We also argued for a period about what she said. She claimed that she did not tell me that I had to make the thing all by myself, which was exactly what "Eric, YOU make the lesson plan" means, but she said not a word on the subject for an entire month, then asked me on Friday how it was going and expected to have it gift wrapped and placed in her hands. By this point I was noticeably annoyed and I asked if I could just teach the open class all by myself, since I did all the planning and I was told last Friday that I would be teaching 80-90% of the time (I'm told by other foreign teachers that this is shit and that it should be 50-50, whatever). She didn't like that idea and explained that we must co-teach. But I did all the work, I said (starting to sound a little like the old fable where the chicken asks for help making the cake and no one does, but when its done, everybody comes running for a slice...).

From this point, we began arguing over the paper copy lesson plan that must accompany the actual lesson. Now, I was still working on the class itself, so clearly I wasn't gonna put together a paper explanation till it was done, and I told her so. I was ohhhh so nicely told that normally in Korea, the paper lesson plan needs to be done and handed in a week before the lesson to the principal and vice principal and other teachers. That's fine and all, but she never told me, until today, 5 days before the open lesson. She then began to tell me how she is in trouble with the principal, as he's been asking where the lesson plan is and she didn't have anything to give him. Again, my fault. At this point, I told her that we don't have this manner of produced lesson plans in the States and I don't understand what they are for/what they are supposed to do/what is supposed to be in them. After more arguing, and a period where I was asking "why" questions and she was answering "...in Korea we do this", which obviously don't answer the why part, she finally gave me a legit answer and I shut up on that point. The first all day. Our discussion ended with us arguing over when I can finish the lesson plan. I told her I think, I hope, I can probably have it done by tomorrow. No, no, this isn't good enough for her, as I have to say for certain when it will be finished, no maybes. I told her I have no idea how long this shit is gonna take and that I don't make guarantees unless I know I can keep them. A stupid point to waste some time arguing, I know, as I could have just nodded, said tomorrow, then worked on it, but its a big deal for me to not break promises I have made. That's just how I am. Eventually, just to end the whole ordeal, I said I'll have it done tomorrow, she asked if it was a guarantee, and I said yes while rolling my eyes as hard as I could. Argument over. Total time: 1 hour, 30 mins. Amount of work accomplished: zero. Funny, given the whole time is of the essence thingy. To make sure she got the last laugh or something, she spent a considerable amount of time the rest of the day bitching to the other teachers in Korean about me and my laziness or whatever. I didn't get much, but when she starts talking to another teacher, with me 2 feet away mind you, and not in a quiet whisper, "blah blah blah open lesson blah blah blah" and is whining as badly as humanly possible, which is saying something given my reputation in the field, its not hard to pick up on. She even varied her voice, like all people do when they are quoting or impersonating someone else, to quote me and lets just say imitation was not the sincerest form of flattery in this case. Wow. Ohh, and the lesson plan packet also is supposed to have a bunch of shit beyond the actual lesson plan, like surveys of the students about their opinion of English, which I have no idea how to do or anything, so I just told the co-teach that I have no idea how to do that and I think she may actually be putting that together. Maybe. I could spend a considerable amount calling her awful names, which would be very applicable, but the preceding story tells you everything you need to know, which is that is a manipulative, lazy, condescending, petty person and worst of all, is that she is a boring, uncreative, and all around lousy teacher of English. I still have a grudge against her for her lack of compassion involving the vacation days during Alyse's trip and I did in fact swear revenge, but I'm honestly not trying to sabotage this lesson. I think this may be one of those cases where you reap what you sow. Stay tuned, as this looks to only get uglier before it gets better.

I embarrassed my friends, family and country in a volleyball tournament and all I got was this lousy commemorative hand towel...

Yes, that's right, last week was the long awaited teacher volleyball tourney, and as I feared, we did terrible. But there was more to the story than our schools shellacking at the hands of the other schools, so a story I shall tell. I had feared and delighted in the fact that the tourney would be taken much too seriously, given that our school had a warm-up game and many other schools had official uniforms made and had been training on a daily basis. Yep, this ain't no REC bar league, honey. This shits intense. And it was every bit as hilarious as I would have hoped. Our school canceled the afternoon classes, leaving everyone free to head for the courts as soon as lunch was out. On our way to the courts, I found out that Amy and I would not be facing each other, nor would we even be at the same venue. Our much publicized grudge match would not come to fruition (which was probably for the best, considering I would have been crushed and would have never heard the end of it...my only hope would have been to hit Amy several times with spikes to preserve any manner of dignity) as Amy was playing at Yangpyeong High School while we traveled to Gaegun Middle School. Our venue was about 15 minutes outside of town in the opposite direction as my school. One of the foreigners from Yangpyeong works there and wow is he lucky, as least in regard to the facilities. The elementary and middle school were on the same premises and contained a gorgeous grass soccer field (yes, real grass) and an amazing indoor gymnasium/auditorium perfect for volleyball. I just can't wrap my mind around all the sweet shit, given that Gaegun can't be any bigger or affluent than my town, yet I have nothing like that at my school.

Once we arrived, I quickly realized that they are as intense as I had imagined. Both teams playing when we arrived were rocking official uniforms, celebrated each point like they won the friggin match, and one team even had a 10 person plus squad of cheerleaders. How did I know my school had no shot? Well, for starters, these other teams had women on their team that could get serves over the net, which by Korean standards makes them veritable all-stars. No sooner had I arrived than the crowd realized they were in the presence of a volleyball god and I was swarmed with autograph seekers and marriage proposals. I refused, naturally, as I had a volleyball match to win (aside: some of the preceding remarks may have been slightly exaggerated). Soon enough we were taking the court, our school of 63 students and 15 teachers versus one of the middle schools from Yangpyeong with several hundred students and probably 50 or more teachers. Yeah, the odds were stacked against us, as we literally had to field our entire school staff just to have a full 9 man squad for the match. To make matters worse, our vice principal, one of only three teachers that could actually reliably hit the ball, was MIA, meaning that the gym teacher and I were all alone out there. Also to our disadvantage, the other team realized I was tall (damnit, I was hoping to sneak up on them too) and hit away from me the entire game. They spiked my way 4 or 5 times all match and I rejected 2 or 3 back in their face, but generally I was allowed to do anything. Game went as follows normally: other team serves, we return (sometimes) but can't get any decent spike going, so the other team receives easily, sets up for spike, hits away from me and easily scores as nobody else on the team outside of the gym teacher could possibly return it. We also had our fair share of bad serves, running into the net, and hitting balls that were clearly going out of bounds. Yours truly didn't play well either as I missed with my one and only serve, didn't get a chance to stop nearly any spikes and was all too often spiking from too far away, thus leaving them lacking in power and quite easy to shut down. Final score: 35-18. It was uglier than the score, if that was possible, as we fell down 10-1 almost instantly and never recovered. Emblematic of our teams struggles were the Korean teacher and her "serves". God bless her heart she's a sweet lady, but she needed absolute full power and perfect contact in order to just get the ball over the net. After our match was over, we stuck around to see some other schools play, including Carrie, which just made me more angry with the bracketing, as we faced the biggest school first match, otherwise we might have been able to pull out a win. Regardless, my legacy was cemented, as teachers from all the schools came by to give me thumbs up for the performance as well as praise for being tall. I hadn't really realized how much of a height advantage I would have, but I was able on a full leap to get my elbow over the net, while most of my opponents were happy just to get a full hand over the net. Maybe I should give up this teaching thing and just try to win a spot on a professional Korean volleyball team. Yes, they do in fact have a league for that.

Nothing else happened last week, so I'll just jump to the weekend. Saturday was satisfying as my plans actually came to fruition for once. I had planned to see a particular new Korean film and go to the blues club, and I did in fact get to go to both. Take that Korea! Even better was that I also had pretty decent Mexican food for lunch. Now, normally I don't drink beer at 1pm in the afternoon, but its not everyday I get the chance to drink a Negra Modelo and for only 2,000 won (1.50 bucks or something akin to that) more than the Korean shit, why the hell not? From there on is was off to the movie. The movie in question was called "Himalaya, where the wind dwells". Originally I was drawn to it because its the first film in four years for Choi Min-Sik or for most of you, the crazy main character from Oldboy. Yep, that crazy bastard. Now there was no eating of live octopus, but the story still sounded interesting. The main character (Choi) has a immigrant employee die and he is tasked with returning the man's remains to his family. Problem is his family lives in the fuckin mountains of Nepal. The story and dialogue was very minimalist but the film was absolutely gorgeous, as it was basically 90 minutes of breathtaking scenery from the Himalayas. If you don't mind a slow and quiet flick, I heartily recommend it. A pleasant surprise was the fact that the entire thing was subtitled, even though the newspapers made no reference to it. Not like the subtitling was needed, as the vast majority of the spoken dialogue was actually in English between the main character and the young boy of the Nepalese family. I joked that this kid who lives light years from anything has better English than my students, which was true. I'm trying though, I'm trying, honestly. The theater itself was rather amusing as Korea doesn't have the space to build a sprawling, single floor structure like in the States, so they have to get creative. Normally they just take up several floors of one building, but this one was spread out over several buildings. 3 screens and the ticket booth were in one building, while the other 3 screens were in the basement of a building across the street. It made the whole trek to find your screen much more climatic.

The highlight of the evening was clearly the blues club. I had already found the club on a previous occasion, so the drama involved with finding anything in this country was eliminated, thus leaving us free to actually enjoy ourselves. And enjoy we did. My company was small, as most everybody turned into wet blankets (looking at you Jethro!), but still the music and atmosphere were wonderful. Yeah, its pricy, with a 5,000 won cover charge and 10,000 won for a mixed drink (about 15 bucks total), but they didn't pressure us to buy another drink, so it was basically an hour or more concert for 15 bucks. I can live with that. Surprising (or maybe not, given what I know about Korean music) was that all the songs were American rock classics and were all sung in English. It's definitely weird to hear a Korean man who probably seeks little to no English singing a song about an drug that is illegal here and will land one in serious trouble for possession...in English. Yes, he was singing Eric Clapton's Cocaine. And honestly, he didn't sing that poorly. His English was understandable and while his voice was much more gravelly than Sir Eric, it worked for him. Ohh, he could also play the guitar, quite well I might add. The lady on the keyboards was rocking it as well. I'm sure her career choice wasn't what her parents wanted when they signed her up for piano lessons so many years ago, but I was glad she decided to play keyboard for the poor souls in the audience. The clientele were interesting as well, as I was very curious what kind of Koreans would allow themselves to be seen in a place like this and perhaps even enjoy it. There was the expected gathering of young, college aged Koreans who had been exposed to the music, including a particularly gorgeous Korean women who arrived by herself, actually seemed to be enjoying the music, was ordering real alcoholic drinks and was wearing....get this a t-shirt, baseball cap and jeans. Needless to say, Chris and I were in love. Too bad we are both such monster pussies. The waitresses were worth the time of day as well, making the whole experience worth a return appearance by myself. The most amusing point was when a pack of middle aged Korean business men and their wives showed up. The men I could possibly buy (albeit it would be a stretch), but the wives I absolutely couldn't believe were rock and blues enthusiasts. Turns out I was dead on. All of them looked bored and mildly frightened, while one even covered her ears....ahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sorry maam, but there aren't any Koreans dressed in Liberace-esque suits belting out cliche and boring pop ballads down here. Too bad. You have no idea how happy I was to see everybody on stage performing in just t-shirts and jeans. I might have cried if they had been rocking on stage in the Korean enormous dorky horn-rimmed glasses, ridiculously tight pants, shiny suits, etc and overall way too primped and prepared manner. Thank God or some other deity for small victories.

Maria is awesome 'cuz she masterminded that freakin' sweet care package

How was that for a shout-out? I hope it suffices. Another normal week without much to report, so no heavy reading this week.

The weekend was a smashing success in putting the past week far, far behind me and gathering energy for the week ahead of me, so I can't complain. After several weeks apart, we were finally almost all reunited. The heavens did surely quake in respect to the might of our group once again reconvening. There were hugs and tears all around....okay so maybe it was just me. But then again, I was in one of those moods. You know, where you just feel like being a dumbass and seeing how absurd you can be in a massive public (in this instance Korea's biggest mall, I think) place without being kicked out. At least I wasn't alone, as Chris decided to join in as well. There was juvenile conversations about topics not suited for public places (it's okay, nobody understands English over here, trust me), juvenile insults about female bodily functions and then the results of said comments, namely running away to avoid being hit. Chris kicked it up a notch by pretending to have a joint made from rolled up cardboard from a coffee cup and leaves from some random plant. And yes, he did actually light it and inhale it at some point. And yes it was horrible. And yes he does now have cancer. Too bad. From there on, we moved to Jamsil Baseball Stadium to watch a Doosan Bears vs. Lotte Giants game. We got there 30 minutes early, but tickets were already sold out. We had forgotten that Saturday was a national holiday, the Korean Memorial Day for fallen soldiers, so naturally everyone went to the game. Didn't feel much different than a Brewers game, cept there was no tailgating, as nobody came to the game in cars, and all the vendors were selling dried squid with the beers and soju. We instead grabbed some brews and peanuts and headed across the street to chillax in a park for a couple of hours. Since the park didn't allow people to go on the grass, we settled down at one of the little mini marts nestled within and commenced to drinking and relaxing. It felt like we were back in Madison on the terrace, except the view wasn't as good, the people sitting around us were sometimes loud and kinda obnoxious ajosshis (middle aged men), the mart owner was whining about us and our cigarettes in Korean to her husband, and of course, the beer sucked. God, I miss good beer. I've actually stopped drinking the Korean stuff, and thus beer in general as thats the only stuff available, as a result. But, exactly like on the terrace, we did sit around and do absolutely nothing for several hours. And it was wonderful. God, I miss just shooting the shit about whatever. Moments like that are kinda rare when you can't communicate with the overwhelming majority of the population and you can only get together two days a week max with your friends.

School is much the same. Don't know if there will be much school this week, as my after school classes are cancelled for Tuesday and Wednesday due to teacher meetings and the volleyball tourney, respectively. That leaves Thursday as my last remaining day of actually teaching unti the semester ends on my b-day in July. Happy birthday to me! Semester's over...ohhhh wait, summer camp starts tomorrow. Ohhh you shouldn't have, its what I always wanted. This means I'll be spending the next couple of weeks putting together the open class lesson plan, even though open classes mean nothing to me and everything to the co-teacher and she will inevitably take credit for all of it, if it goes well. I'm just excited to see her try and speak English for the entirety of the class. That shit is gonna be hi-larious. This volleyball thing could be interesting on Wednesday. My school isn't taking it that seriously, as Amy's school has been training for the past week and they even have uniforms....I wanna uniform.

The Korean news frustrating me at present is said story:

http://thegrandnarrative.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/choi-jin-sil/

So the woman was beaten and abused by her lousy husband back in August, then committed suicide from shame and societal pressures in October. Not saying I condone the decision to go out the way she did, as I'm staunchly against suicide, but I do acknowledge the immense strain she was under that led to her decision. Now the ex-pres just recently killed himself and out of respect to him, the authorities dropped the corruption charges and investigations of his family, which also frustrates me, but that's a completely different matter. I just don't like people dodging justice, that's all. So one would think that this actress would have been thrown the same bone, right? Wrong, cuz she's a woman. Some construction company, who had hired her as their spokesperson, sued her for tarnishing the company's image with her actions. Yes, the lawsuit was initiated well before she killed herself, but the company continued with the suit and this week was rewarded as the Supreme Court overturned an earlier ruling and awarded the damages asked by the company to be paid by the actress's estate. Yep. "That's too bad your husband beat you and made you feel powerless, but here's your walking papers...ohhh and we are suing you for making our company look bad, what with those unattractive bruises and cuts. Have a nice day". Disgusting.

I got a poster!!! (yep, that was the highlight of my week)

As you can see from the title, the previous week wasn't terribly thrilling by any definition of the word. I contemplated not even writing this week, but I decided against it for you, my readers (maybe just singular reader, as I know my mom still reads it....Hi Mom!), as I know how soul-depleting it would be to have to go a whole 2 weeks without word from me.

Like I said, the last week was terribly ordinary, but I guess that means I've adjusted and settled in, given my mood. Several months ago I would have been tearing my hair out if I had to "suffer" through a weekend like I just had, as I needed some manner of alcohol/mischief/misadventure to energize or numb me enough to get through the week without losing it. The fact that I just went through a weekend without nearly anything happening and I'm still okay with it come Monday means that life here isn't quite as awful as I once thought it was.

Don't get me wrong, school still sucks most of the time. I've just numbed myself to the bullshit. Hell, I sleepwalk through the classes with the co-teacher maybe even more than the kids. Show up to class, spend the first 10 to 15 minutes watching the co-teacher yell at the kids and beat them with a stick for not doing their homework, read and repeat several passages several times, leave, repeat. I've managed to fill most of the dead time quite effectively with heavy reading and Korean studying. I should start planning for the open class at the end of the month, but it means nothing to me and the co-teacher hasn't bothered to lift a finger to help me and I doubt she ever will. I only have 2 more weeks left for my after school classes, so once those are done I'll have an additional 2 hours of dead time every day and zero actual teaching to do during a given day.

Free time is filled much the same as usual. Tuesday-Thursday night spent going to and from Seoul for capoeira. My frustrations with the manner of instruction seem to be shared by all the foreigners and to address the problem, the instructor has allowed one of the foreigners, who has been training for 7 years, to lead class on Thursday. On the first Thursday, we had warm up before stretching, conditioning, basic movement/kick practice, and stripped down practice rodas with only one or two moves available. Yes, yes, yes and more yes. Thankfully, the other foreigners also saw the absurdity of being able to pull off a gorgeous macacau while being unable to ginga or throw even the most basic kick well. Crazy western logic to the rescue!

On to the big news: the poster. So last week saw the final piece of the care package from Madison in the form of a long cardboard tube. I knew roughly what it was, as Rounds prefaced it by saying that he was understanding of my frustrations with the inadequacies of most Korean women and was sending help. I really wanted to open it as soon as I received it, but the package came to school and the ensuing scene wouldn't have be overly pleasant, despite being undoubtedly hilarious. I hid the poster quite well, as I know from experience how nosy Koreans can be and didn't wanna be forced to open it in front of all the teachers. As I gaze at it above my computer back at the apartment, I must say it was everything I had hoped for. Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel. I was starting to wonder if women only come in one size (tiny), have only one hair style and color, have no figure and have a complexion pale enough to make apparitions envious. I can now say without a doubt that that is not true. Rounds, thank you. I did have to take the poster down almost immediately after sticking it up on the wall, though. The landlord came by to install a air conditioning unit for the room and I figured it would be good to keep him from realizing I'm on of those sex-crazed sexual deviant foreigners that their mothers warn them about.

As for the weekend, I went to Olympic Park for a couple hours on Saturday, then ate at quality Turkish restaurant in Gangnam Saturday evening. That's it. Spent all of Sunday cleaning and wasting time. Olympic Park is a exceedingly pretty and quiet park, which is surprising given its location in the heart of Seoul. My only complaints were that there were too many people, but its Korea, so what the hell can you do about that? Just laid down in the grass and stared at the perfect blue sky for several hours. That's all. Caused a scene, I presume, since Koreans simply will not sit or lay down in the grass without a blanket. I assume to prevent from getting dirty and we all know how serious a sin is being dirty. Cleanliness is next to godliness, so the Koreans are batting 2 for 2. I know that sounds like a stereotype, but I've been to Olympic Park twice and seen hundreds of people sitting in the grass and have to yet seen a group without a blanket. Numbers don't lie.

In unrelated news, I bought the newest Roots album and it is wonderful. Dark, angry, paranoid, gritty and so much more. A nice change of pace from the "rap" here in Korea that would make Aaron Carter look hardcore.